This is a totally inappropriate time for a blog post. Especially since I've been cranking out oh....stretch.....one or so a month lately. I know. That's an impressive amount. No wonder I'm tired.
Or is that Eli acting like a newborn? ANYway...
I should be getting ready for work and trying to stave off my chronic 3-6 minute clocking in late or early habit. I alternate between late and early just to keep it fresh for my coworkers.
I'm compelled to write this morning. There are some big things happening around here that can't be ignored. No, we can't ignore big kid changes on a mommy blog, and so I am here, supporting my poor working habits to tell you (and my older kids someday), that times are a changing. No, I'm not pregnant.
Here goes. They are growing up.
BOOOOHOOOOO!
Olivia is big. She is tall, almost as tall as I am (not hard to achieve), but STILL. She is smart and witty. She can manipulate and argue a point. She needs a razor. Need I say more without embarrassing her to death? I stare at her everyday because she looks different. She has grown up. She has left the few small years of childhood behind, emerging into something new. She chooses to stand near me and other adults at weddings. She makes adult conversation. She showers and dresses herself. She has opinions. Is anyone else in shock here?
I can't claim that no one told me. I just suppose that when you are in the midst of it all, it all seems far away.
I think the journey of parenting is like a thunderstorm. It's loud and scary. It's beautiful and calming. It's refreshing, but can overwhelm a newly planted seed. Overall, it's memorable. I remember as a kid, laying near a window listening in awe to cracks of thunder and pounding rain. I remember dozing in and out during middle of the night storms blowing my curtains into the night. It's peaceful, renewing, chaotic, change bringing. All at once.
All at once, my baby is growing up.
This is a blessing, right?
God has given me insight lately. He's given me the gift of awareness of what matters and what doesn't. Like how I look in shorts is one of those that doesn't matter. Who knew? To all of you older and wiser, perhaps this is something that comes with age? Is it? Where suddenly it makes sense a little more? Not the world itself necessarily. That will always be screwed up and undeniably crazy, but my purpose as a mom makes sense a little more. I notice moments that I will remember someday. I cherish them. I chose to use our time to make as many of those as possible. I want more. I want more memories with my kids. I want to use up and store up every ounce of what I have left with them. I want to carve who they are and their experiences and what they know on my heart. I am greedy for them.
Have you seen them? They are SO beautiful. They are works of art. They astound me.
Maybe it comes with time. Maybe Olivia can scare me into it with her adolescence. Maybe it's the 1/3 life crisis I'm having, turning the big 30 this summer. Maybe it's a gift from God and all of the above. Perspective. Choosing moments and making them matter. Opened eyes beyond tantrums and fighting and snottiness and arguing over chores. Those can be overwhelming and sometimes they are. But overall.....
I am greedy for them. They didn't ask me to grow up so quickly. Even though I'm in midst of what seems to be a totally inappropriate circumstance (how could they be so BIG?)....I feel surrounded by blessings. I'm swimming in them.
Except at the store check out line. As far as I can see, that never changes.
