Saturday, December 29, 2012

All three

All three kids sat on Santa's lap this year. 


But one might be too big next year. In fact, maybe she was this year?


Eli blessed everyone with his "singing" (yelling) of Go tell it on the Mountain, followed by Twinkle Twinkle, then ABC's.

We saw many many of our friends and family this year, which was an awesome gift. 

Aaaand, our kids were spoiled this year with gifts from all their loving grandparents, aunts and uncles, especially from Florida, and not to forget the big guy Santa, who managed to bring Sophie BOTH the dinosaur bone she requested: a frill bone from a triceratops dug up as a fossil in South Dakota AND a bag of foreign currency from all over the world. Sophie looked at me and said, "This just couldn't be from you, Mom!" And I said seriously, "No, it couldn't." Because it wasn't. Don't you love the spirit of Christmas? And the magic of Facebook? The love of co-workers who have moms who just love kids and Christmas that much?
Santa rocks.
People rock.
God's people rock.
Our church celebrated Christmas in amazing ways, both simple and extraordinary. Christ coming to Earth for us when we needed him most. You just never get too old for that.



Friday, December 21, 2012

The Lib of Con

What a gift...to venture out by myself, sans the three smalls that normally accompany me to even the bathroom stall. I packed and boarded and flew to D.C. to visit my dear friend Tara who so graciously suggested and then made happen this awesomeness that became MEL'S TRIP TO D.C. 2012!!!!

Tara: "You're 30....I'm 34.....what do you say?"

Me: Silence. "Seriously?"

Me: "What?!!!!"

Me: "This is going to be the best trip everrrr!!!! Ahhhhh!!!!!"

And it was so great. It was so great to be a person, outside of the mom that I always am. And this is not a bash against motherhood, because motherhood is the greatest thing I do. It IS who I am right now. But stepping outside of that for a few days, as a reminder of who you are as a person, that you exist beyond that...well, I suppose five minutes of that would suffice too. It was perfect. An opportunity to experience art and architecture and good food and Mt. Dew enjoyed with a friend who also enjoys a daily Dew just many miles away? Priceless.

Tara is a lifelong friend. She will just always be. Unless I do something terrible, which something tells me she is the type of person who'd still be a great friend, visiting me in jail or something, but anyway, Tara is great. So seeing D.C. with her was phenomenal. Here's the lowdown: (even if you don't care, I'll get to remember this later if I put it here, see?)

  • Eastern Market: Tara described: Like Farmer's Market but with cool craft's/wares. She got her yellow hat there, I got my great gloves there. It was amazing. 
  • Cheesetique:  http://cheesetique.com/  Now this was the perfect place for a dairy deprived mama to eat. No worries about food allergies for me on this trip. Sooo, we shared some grown-up grilled cheese, tomato soup, and broccoli cheese mac, cheesecake, and nutella panini. WHOA. I gained a pound just thinking about it right now. 
  • Library of Congress: This was my favorite place we went. Nerdy, right? The architecture here was so amazing, it is beyond words and beyond what my iPhone can achieve to recreate. But it tried. Here you go. 


Giant marble staircase down to tree

Best Christmas tree in town!

Up to the gallery-no photos allowed after that
Up to the gallery is the main attraction, the actual library. This is the place that you see on the movie National Treasure. They actually have conveyor belts that carry books between buildings. You can't check out books from this library, but if you can prove your are special enough, which Kurt and Tara have done (STUDS), then you can research in the library. It is this massive domed room, surrounded by pillars of knowledge, with statues of great men that have come before us and laid the groundwork for all humankind in these areas. The area just stinks of awe and greatness and you can hardly breathe looking into the gallery because it is so outstanding. So, you should just go see it.

The ceiling in the atrium was breathtaking!
Tara/Mel-Google Maps a Starbucks

So then, I visited the gift shop where I bought my kids action adventure books titled things like, "Mystery at the U.S. Treasury" and "The Secret of The Washington Monument". They totally ATE THEM UP! Booyah. Especially the one who asked for foreign currency from Santa this year.

Well, we will talk the rest of the city another day. Until then, the Lib of Con is a must see in D.C. Just do it!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Extreme Holiday

We just got back from an epic Thanksgiving celebration. It was complete with family I haven't seen in forever that drove in from far away (Aunt DebbieDebbie) and with family from near that I don't see nearly enough. It gave us time with my beautiful Grandma Betty (GG) as she is called by the littles, who hosted this gig in the big room in her apartment building. It included a get together of all of our little tiny people running around all red faced and sugared up and laughing hysterically and NO, you cannot have more dessert. 

But I love my family most because after that was said and done, were they done? Nope. We had Black Friday to celebrate. 

The girls in our family normally head out for some early morning shopping and that's not the Black Friday deal I'm talking about. This year, Black Friday consisted of black cherry pretzel dessert, black forest ham (not just any old ham..but a special pig selected by Shawn, cured, smoked, and prepared all by Shawn=BEST HAM I'VE EVER TASTED BLACK FOREST HAM), black bean salsa with black tortilla chips, blackberry pie........mwahahhahahaha! Who is having fun yet? We are! Word games too. Lots of them. Scrabble. Upwords. And Wii.

Sigh....

I love my family. They are so much fun. 

And shopping this year was the funniest it's ever been too. Lianna is ssssuper pregnant right now so we toned it down a little bit: 

Me: "Um, I don't know. You probably need your sleep. So, should we just go out like at 5?"

Lianna: "Sure."

2:30 a.m.....Lianna texts Mel: "I have to pee and I'm hungry. Want to go shopping?"

Me: "My air mattress is completely flat and my hips might be broken, but if I can walk, yeah sure."

There were no lines, no mean people, nada. I don't know where they get those news stories, but it isn't where we go I guess. Lucky us. We did see these two sisters, probably in their 50's wearing giant reindeer antlers. We both looked at each other and mouthed in unison, "NEXT YEAR!"

We walked to Java House with our kids in a wagon. We had a birthday party for Lenora. 

We had SO MUCH FUN. 

Thanks to God for the family we were given. Thanks to the Cornally's for hosting and theme-ing and scheming the living daylights out of this holiday. 

Since we love extreme holidays, we thought we'd get together next weekend at Powers' for the all day long annual Christmas Movie Marathon! 

Happy Holidays.........Let's DO this!




Monday, November 19, 2012

My friend, Guilt

I'd like to sit down here and give a little shout out to my friend, Guilt. She's an gooood one, Guilt. She sticks close to me. She's a shadow of me in the Fall sunshine. Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall. She always stays near. She does so much tearing apart of my insides that you'd think I'd be skinny. Ha! But no. Still here. Here I am. I'm on my second muffin. I'll eat tuna for lunch. It'll be fine.

Is it part of being a mom? Or a woman perhaps? Or maybe, as I sit here with my friend, Guilt, she says to me, "Well, Mel, sounds like a bit of a personal problem, eh? Wink wink. Like, ahem...anyone who reads this will be a-laughing at you and you will still be spending time with me, Guilt, your only friend, as you think about how you fall short, still. Guilty. Lame. Fall short, you do."

You really do.

  • Friend? Not a very good one. "You're too busy with all the other things you're doing. You've made that clear."
  • Mom? "Um...ok I guess."
  • Wife? "Average maybe. When was your last date did you say?"
  • Goals? "Where, exactly, did you say you'd be by now?" 

There was a time when I didn't feel this way. I didn't feel so fall shorty. I'm making up for it now, I suppose. There will be some who will appreciate that. I'm picturing high school. Who doesn't picture high school? Popular people?

What to do with it....what to do with it. It's funny. The price has been paid, yes? Christ has paid that cost for us. But then the awkward silence is there, and I try to fill it with something. So, I say something, which turns out to be insufficient, and therefore stupid and then it is there, guilt. ALL DAY LONG. And I pray for it to go away and I know it has already been done, but I wonder what they must think of what I said and what I meant by that and what MUST THEY THINK about what I said?

I used to not care.

I really miss those days.

If I could just put a banner over my head, a big disclaimer that would cover me. Maybe it would say in Georgia font or maybe Helvetica and I'd use those smelly markers:

It turns out, I'm not perfect. I'm not a very good friend. I'm not a perfect mother. I'm not a perfect wife. My house is sometimes really, quite adorable, and sometimes it is an abomination. You'll probably stop by when it is an abomination. Sometimes I say super stupid things, because I don't know how to handle being sad and worst of all, I don't know how to handle being quiet. And frankly, I'm terrified that if it were to be that way, that I might just fall to pieces. I refuse to let that happen. I'm working hard to hold it together.

So, if my banner said that, would it buy me a bit of peace, a bit of solace away from her? Away from Guilt?

Because she's killing me.

Do you know why it really bothers me? Deep down?

Because I wish I could hold this banner instead and that everyone knew and that I never had to worry that anyone knew anything but my true intentions:

"Ignore anything stupid I might say. I actually really love you, and I want you to laugh too. Do you want a latte?"

If I could just hold that banner instead, I think she might go away for good.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Out of season- Olivia 2012

The girls finished their soccer seasons recently. When I say recently, I mean October. But that's neither here nor there. I do what I can when I can to document. 

Since the girls were in different towns for their games this season, which was quite unfortunate, I had the honor of being with Livy, out of town in Pleasant Hill or someplace for her last game. It was a great game. I don't know how it worked out, but every girl on the team scored a goal. And that's strange because they all play different positions and they're older now and sometimes goals are scarce, but somehow....it all worked out for them. I love that kind of game. 

Olivia is a player that any sideline watcher adores. She's really really entertaining. Like when she couldn't get her goalie gloves on and the whole game and sidelines waited for her? Embarrassed? Neeew. She flipped her little hands out to her side and exclaimed, "Sorry!" Hehehehe! And everyone giggled. Because she's so darn cute. 

Her Mom? Is mostly panicked. "Ermagherrrd....put the gloves on! Just PULL them ON!...she's in the wrong spot....stop doing cartwheels!!! Why is she picking up litter?! NO! YES! NO! Oh....my.....g.....YES!!! That's my KID!!!! WOOHOOOOO!"

I'm just so proud of her. The roller coaster is totally worth it. Because this is how she looks after her last game:




Man, I love that kid. Isn't she cool?

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Payback

Dear Mom,

I have to sit down and write you this to apologize. See, as I was cleaning my kitchen at 5 a.m. this morning, busily putting homework books away and recycling papers, I swept away a stack of papers to find a giant black, hairy tarantula on my kitchen table.

As I'm typing this, I'm still drenched in sweat and my heart is palpitating. I feel nauseous but I'm still shakily raising my cup of coffee to my quivering lips because I'm trying really, really hard to carry on as a normal human should.

I'm a smart, educated woman. Right? I know it can't be real. I live in Iowa. We have no giant, black, hairy tarantulas. But there it is. On my kitchen table.

You know, after I ran out of the room trying to catch my breath and finally got the courage to go back in and had talked myself into the fact that it truly wasn't real....I HAD TO, in fact, take care of this myself, because, of all times in the universe, Steve is away on a business trip right now. Mom, I thought of you.

I remember when I went to the Science Center as a kid and I had some money to spend at the gift shop. And do you remember what I bought? I put it on your pillow. I'm sure you do. Just for everyone else, I'll write it here. It was a giant, curled up, glow in the dark centipede. The thing you fear most in life. And I put it on your pillow. And in my little tiny kid heart, I truly believed you'd think it was FUNNY. Ha ha ha. FUNNY. Can you believe that Mom? I just couldn't fathom your reaction when you were so furious with me.

But now I get it.

I totally get.

Payback is a b*t#h. And that is my life lesson today.

I love you, Mom. You are my hero. Today, I'm really sorry about the centipede, and I can't wait for Sophie Grace Clark to wake up out of her peaceful slumber this morning...........I.JUST.CAN'T.WAIT.


Sunday, October 21, 2012

The best there is

"I don't want soccer to be over! I want to win more games!"

She thinks for a moment.

"Not that I want the other team to lose, I just like getting better and better. I want to be the best there is!"

~Sophie Clark, 2012




Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Eli fights fires

Eli is famous. For today. It's fire week everyone! Eli's class got a visit from the fire department today. Eli's words tonight are: "Firefighter. BAAAAD. Hot. Ouchie ouchie ouchie." He's got it down.

Check this out: www.beautifulbeginnings.info

Or for when the link is no more....here he is.

Like two milk jugs

When I used to work post cath patients, we'd tell them not to carry anything over ten pounds. We likened it to carrying two full milk jugs. Don't carry anything heavier than two full milk jugs.

In poundage, I've lost two full milk jugs my friends. The big 10.

Last time I compared my weight to hamburger, but I don't think I've ever bought 10 lbs. of hamburger at once. We're more of a 3 lb. family.

Anyway, my clothes fit nicely now and my jeans are a little baggy. This is a nice place to be, but I think I'll keep going?

I've got 4 more milk jugs to lose by this time next year.

Experiment: let's see how the holidays go. What will Livestrong.com do if I type in "candycane cookies" for every meal?

I'll let you know.






Monday, October 8, 2012

Olivia writes about Fall

Olivia's been featured in this week's newsletter from her 4th grade class! She wrote about Fall. Here it is:

Explode the Moment
Fall Fitness Walk – October 3rd
By Olivia

The leaves sparkled as their colors are hit by the sun, it
amazed me. The leaves were like a shower as they
landed in Mrs. Cooper’s (her teacher) hair! The leaves rustle in the wind
like flying spaceships gliding through space. Feel the wind
blow mildly on your face. Hear the wind chimes cling
together. Touch the cool grasses. See the leaves scattered
in yards with bright colored pumpkins waiting to be full of
light. I listen to the birds chirping with excitement like I do. I
felt like I would die if we didn’t have another day like this.

Monday, October 1, 2012

8

It's funny.....the only key broken on my keyboard is 8. That probably doesn't count as reason for a new laptop does it? No. It doesn't, Mel. It doesn't.

8 is the number of pounds I've lost this month! Wahooooooo!!! This leaves 22 lbs. left of my goal to lose 30 lbs. in my 30th year.

I chose a pound a week as my goal and have surpassed that so far. That being said, I've worked hard to lose weight many many times in my life. What makes this time any different? What DOES make this time any different? I ask myself this every day.

I'm still formulating the answer actually. I don't really know. But I think it has something to do with setting attainable goals. Like not choosing 80 lbs. in two months as my goal, as I may have set in previous years prior to a wedding or something. There's that pesky 8 again.

Yes, so far:

1. Attainable goals. 

Failure does not happen overnight. The sun rises on a new day. So, if I ate pizza last night, this does not mean my whole life is over the next day and my whole plan goes out the window and all my weight is back. Nope. It doesn't. I'm paying attention to my mind and my body this time.

2. Livestrong.com. 

I'm tracking my calories and fitness throughout each day. It tells me exactly where I'm at for the day and what else I can have for the remainder of the day. And I get more if I work out more. Deal! Plus, as I've mentioned before, that site is F-R-E-E.

3. Stop drinking 500 calorie coffee drinks at Panera. 

Booohooohoooohooohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Tears flow like wine on this one.

This one hurts. But I have been making some sweet concoctions at home with a little almond milk and a dash of creamer and a bit of rediwhip. WAMBAM! 1/4 of the calories and only a little sorrow of what was lost. 

 Ok, I'm not listing these things up here because I'm now a weight loss guru er something. Oh my, no waaaay. I'm listing them to remind myself come this Thanksgiving what my plan was and how to get back on track. Attainable goals, Mel. Attainable goals.

Anyway, 8 lbs. I'm excited. That's a lot of hamburger. (That's the only thing I regularly buy in pounds).

Go September!!!!

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Captchas- where you can go.

Can we talk about the captcha? Or whatever the &%$+ they are?

You know, the the characters a site makes you type in so that you can make a comment on a blog? It says something cute by it to try and make it less obnoxious like, "to help prove you are not a robot?" Something like that. Well, I am not a robot, I'm pretty sure, and it took me 5 tries to complete a correct captcha this morning on one blog. FIVE.

The first three tries I was trying to type in the digits there and then realized they've added a graphic next to it now....a picture of a set of numbers too. Ooooohhhh......how artsy. I can't read them either!

I'd be better off as a robot.

And I hate the made up word captcha and it reminds me of GOTCHA!

I'm putting it on my words to never use list along with STAYCATION and WEBINAR.

That's where you are going.

That being said, I probably have captchas or whatever on  my blog too, because one time, I had creepy anonymous comments on my blog so I installed that.

This fact does not lessen my hate, it increases it. So there.

We should be scanning retinas. Yes. This is the modern world! Yes?




Monday, September 24, 2012

Just come on in

We're basking in the aftermath of sheer embarrassment.

Yesterday, we came home from camping. We unloaded TERRY, our trusty camper, with all it's dirty laundry and dishes, blankets and food, pillows and stuffed animals, garbage......you get it? I sorted piles on our living room floor to put away. Dirty dishes were piled in the sink. We needed groceries first so I could buy soap and laundry soap to tackle this mess. Sure, no prob. I picked up a billion dollars worth over Eli's nap.

When I got back and put most of the groceries away, started one load of laundry, and then Steve was rearing to go take TERRY back to his storage space while it was still light out. Yeah, sure. Fine. We can do that. I'll tackle this mess when we get back.

We went. We came back. There was a card on our table that an agent had just shown our house.

A strong wave of nausea came over me and I thought I might pass out.

I looked at our house.

I started crying.

We had no idea anyone was coming. Obviously there had been some miscommunication here. 

Look, I'm not perfect, but this was the epitome of all that was glaringly bad at one given moment, piled up in stacks. I'm not sure how they got in the door actually. I wonder what they thought of my bras hanging out to dry?

I called the number on the business card, "Um, were you just at .....?".

Yes, they were.

PUKE. OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH.

"Oh, my. I can't believe this. We had no idea anyone was coming. We just got back from camping and we emptied our camper, obviously directly inside the door and took the camper back and we came back and your card was here and we're SO INCREDIBLY mortified!!! Are you still with them? Can you please tell them? OH MY GOSH. Please please please apologize to them for this."

She said she knew something wasn't right.

Oh, really? How could you tell?!

Oh yeah, also, our giant yellow dog was in the back yard too. I'm sure they had a great time trying to see that. 

I'm going to crawl in a hole and never EVER EVVVVERRRR sell my house again.

BOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sure there was a lesson in this. Go ahead, let me have it.

Have mercy.




Thursday, September 20, 2012

You can tell everybody

Girls, (I leave Eli out because I picture him not caring at all about any of this), I want to give you this:

Mom's song.

Olivia: YES. We had songs back then when I was born. Yes. Seriously. And markers. I also enjoyed markers as a child. They were also invented before I was a child contrary to your current belief.

Anyway, Elton John (google him)....sang once, "You can tell everybody, this was your song." So, here it is. I give it to you, because it's magical. And I don't know if it will still be around when you are bigger and able to choose your own music so I thought I'd tell you the story of this song and what it means to me.

This song has come to me several times over the radio when I'm dealing with something difficult, something I'm not sure I can handle. I swear I only hear it when I need to hear it, thus it's magical powers. It comes out of nowhere and swoops in to say just what it says: everything, EVERYTHING will be alright. And sometimes girls, for reasons I can't explain here but will explain to you someday to your adult ears, hearing that can help you make a choice that can change your life, that will change someone else's life, that will change everything.

Listen:

http://youtu.be/u-PrPpqi44M

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright

Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in
Live right now, yeah, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright

It just takes some time
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright


Girls, don't you worry what their bitter hearts are gonna say. Don't you worry. Just do your best. Do everything you can. Make the right choice despite what their bitter hearts might say.

That's what I need to hear, and you might too someday.

Don't google Elton. I was wrong on that. Love you.  

Monday, September 17, 2012

How I lost my Clorox endorsement

I just thoroughly disinfected this computer from the stomach flu bug that my husband suffered from this weekend.....ALL weekend long. Poor guy. It was quite horrible to watch, and if I were completely honest, it was quite horrible to think about getting. In fact, I had a few hours on Saturday night where I actually had myself and others convinced that I might be getting sick too. So I ate a few saltines and sat on the couch to watch football and made the girls do the dishes and BAM! Miraculously, cured.

I have PTSD from being pregnant with Eli. It didn't go well, see. So, now, whenever I have an inkling that I might be a bit, sort of nauseous, a little, I start sweating. I feel panicky. I look around the room for a way out but then I know I can't leave. Look at all these kids who need me! Flash back to lying on the bottom of the shower floor and wretching my guts out for months and months on gutwrenching month on end, the room spins, the room is spinninggggggg....PTSD. I wasn't lying.

Anyway, I'm totally fine now.

Infection wise.

Which is why I'm writing on this now sticky computer. Because you can never be too careful. But now that I'm experiencing this sticky computer for the second day in a row I'm realizing, I don't think Clorox wipes were made for electronics.....

Steve is better today and probably going to go to work, which is great for him and for me, well, I'm going to work today too, but I'm exhausted! Talk about a busy weekend alone with the kids. Hold on a sec, my Dunkin Almond Coffee is done brewing.....smell it?

Trust me, it's amazing. Most things are greater in form with Rediwhip on them. Betcha didn't know.

Which brings me to my next topic. Weight loss.

I'm on a mission to lose 30 lbs for my 30th birthday. Obviously, not BEFORE my 30th birthday as this has already passed...but during my 30th year. This came about a few ways.

1. My stretchy jeans (already a bit of an embarrassment thigh wise) became not stretchy.
2. I felt bad. ALL the time.
3. My kids scoffed at my bad choices that I wouldn't let them have.
4. 30 for 30 seemed cute.

I'm not who I used to be and that's totally fine with me. If I were that skinny again, I wouldn't know what to do with myself, honestly. But I do want my stretchy jeans to fit again, And I do want to feel good again. And I do want to be a good example for my kids. Make the scoffing stop? And cuteness, well......

My cousin Brandy in AZ, someone I love and wish I could be friends with in person, directed me to livestrong.com, a website also a product of the Lance Armstrong foundation. You can specify man/woman. I chose woman. You can track your food. You can put in a goal. I put in 1 lb. a week. I figure this is doable. You can track your fitness. It adds up your calories. There is community. There are fitness and health articles. It is a wonderland if you ask me. It is F-R-E-E.

You know, I feel so good these last few weeks. You would have thought I were a new person altogether. I've gone above and beyond what the site has asked me to do because I feel good. I want to take care of myself. My kids are involved too. Example: if they won't stop bothering me about making cookies, then we have to go for a walk and a jog and play tag at the park for an hour to work out because mom will definitely eat a cookie and more than likely some dough. And we did. And I burned way more than I ate. And the point is that I planned it before I did it and it was accounted for and they helped me and we did it together.

I've got a feeling that this time will be different. That by 31, I'll be down 30 for sure...at least? We'll see.

Now if I get this stomach flu despite typing on this sticky computer, Clorox.....you know who I'm coming after. Don't mess with this worn out mom with PTSD who is trying to lose weight. DO NOT.

Thanks for being there for me in other ways though like your bleach spray that I use ALL THE TIME and the way your wipes smell lemony fresh! Love them!

Friday, August 24, 2012

To Steve: 10 years

Happy Anniversary! We have been married 10 years today! 10!

What can I say about the last 10 years? They were hard? First and foremost they were difficult. I feel like I'm still trying to catch my breath. But that put aside, I would not trade them. They were good to us. They were something to be proud of. Our household is overflowing with blessings! 3 kids. More than can fit comfortably on my lap. More than an armful. Filling up a van-ful. Laughter and tears and grocery bills. 

Seeing us now and comparing to where we came from. KNOWING that we did this? With God's help, we made it. We did what we set out to do when we decided to become a real family. This is what we chose. 

When I think of the next ten years, I'll admit, I'm a little nervous. Did you know that by then, Olivia will be in college and Sophie in her senior year? Eli will be an awkward 12 year old boy, ruling the house his sisters used to rule. Thinking himself a big deal when he visits them at college. Trying to hide his excitement when they come home to see him play football at homecoming.

Did you know how fast it would go? Did you know how fast 10 years would go? How fast it will go again? How different a world our eyes will see in ten more years?

What will we know then that we don't right now? I wonder what I would want to tell us about these upcoming times, these next ten years. I can only guess. I suppose I'd want to make sure we didn't forget. That we made it count. That we held on to each moment and saw it for what it was.That we continued to choose to make the most of each day. That we chose to camp and fish and bike ride and hike. That we chose to do the things our kids would remember happily.

Steve, you are a good man. You're a great father. You are the man I have chosen to love. You are the one I will keep working hard with to build the life we have dreamed of for us and for our kids. And for the next ten years? I suppose we're up to the challenge. I suppose that's what marriage is. A challenge to see if you can navigate the obstacles that life throws your way, keeping hands held tight, sticking together. We've got these babies for just a short time, Steve. And after that, I suppose there will be a lot of motorcycle riding, you and me. 

And I bet we'll have the money for that snowmobile. 

;) 

Love, 

Mel (Your OLD lady, of 10 years today.) I love ya, baby.



New beginnings

No, I'm not pregnant. 

It's the END of August, folks. I'm just the girl who used to blog sitting here a month after my last post jumping back in like nothing happened, but it has. A whole month has gone by. 

O & S went back to school this week. We were pumped. We had a few new clothing items, some nicely done hair, newly made lunches each day, new teachers to love and learn from, a new season of soccer to dominate. 

(A disaster of a house, a leaning pile of papers to sort through, shoes and clothes and soccer balls strewn throughout the universe. Food on my carpet and no one with time to vacuum. Realizing I'm a mom driving a mini van to soccer practice and that makes me a......)

There's a flip side to everything, see.

However, I do love the minivan. 

We can do this, right?!

Just look at them. 

Aren't they huge?

We were late on this day. I wanted to drive them to school but time was short. We were already in the van and buckled and we were leaving the driveway and then I shouted, "PICTURE!!!" So we jumped out and got in front of the house just like we ALWAYS HAVE, because, I thought...we might not have that backdrop by this time next year so it was ever so more important that we did, and here it is. Not much to the unknowing eye, but E-V-E-R-Y-THING to me. 

These are my big girls. The ones who were babies yesterday and big today. And every year they are bigger and bigger and bigger. 

See?

 
One year goes by, one month does too.

Hang on tight. 

Sunday, July 29, 2012

New adventures

There's a sign in our front yard. 

FOR SALE

That's what it says. 

When it went up I cried. I knew that we were doing this. I actually chose this. But I still cried. Was this a mistake? We are happy here, after all. 

For years Steve and I have dreamed of living in the country. I have LIW in my bones! Anyone???

Answer: Laura Ingles Wilder. We'll refer to her as LIW from now on. 

I desperately want land to plant things and grow them. I want to grow our own food. I want to learn how and teach my girls how to can and cook and save and grow. I want to watch them run free with Rosie Posie Clark. No fences needed. The best view for the best sunrises and sunsets in the world courtesy of Iowa. A front porch to sit on. Stars brighter than you've ever seen. 

This is what we dream of. 

After some decent self reflection, I've come to understand why I want these things. It is not simply wanting things or different things in different places or my ongoing wish to be LIW. It's a lifestyle I want to achieve. It's simplicity and self-sufficience. It's to offer my kids what I want them to remember most about their childhood. Hide and seek, bugs, trees, forts, tag, gardens, animals, dirt, beauty. And I believe the back drop for that (for us anyway) is out there, surrounded by corn stalks. 
 
Up until now, we've been all talk. But recently, the time just seemed right. If it is childhood memories we want to give to our kids, we better get crackin. Have you seen Olivia lately? Lord, help us. 

Let me clarify too. We have it so good here in our house on Phillips Street. We have the best neighbors in the world that have provided our girls with best friends and a good home to be in every summer. We have more than we could ask for here. But the time is here to try. We can't talk about it forever. We have to try. And this is what we're doing. 

We found a place around here. It has a blue house on an acre of land on a gravel road outside of a small town. Did I tell you I used to say I'd live in New York and be a journalist? Irony. 

We love the blue house. We love the grove of trees and bushes and the fire pit and fenced in garden and machine shed (also blue) and front porch and flowers. 

We hope that this works out for us. In fact, we've chosen to believe that it will. I've said it here and I hope it doesn't jinx anything, but I needed to say it here and make it real, because that's ALL that is going on around here lately for us. That's what this blog is for. I document our lives here. So how could I leave this out?

Do you know how hard it is to keep an immaculate home with three kids? I had no idea until I had to achieve this for none other than strangers I'd never set eyes on. But here we are and this is what we're doing. 

I believe God has a plan for us. I know it's not life or death, or world changing or significant to most. But it is a path that we hope God will bless for us. And if not, well, I suppose that will be for another time and day. For now, we believe this little blue farm was made for us.

We pray for a buyer for our house. Someone that'll love it like we do and be good friends to our neighbors. We pray for someone to see it like we do and enjoy it like we have. 
We pray that the timing is right for us and our efforts won't go to waste. 
We pray for Blue house. 

As my mom would say during any unpleasant or unclear situation or event...."Think of this as an adventure!" 

We used to roll our eyes at this. I know we did.

But now, age 30, I know this to be true:

Mom advice = good advice.

Phillps: You are adorable in every season. Here's to new adventures.







3-0 and 2

I turned 30. We went camping to celebrate.

It was a big deal.

Not because I cared about turning 30. It was because my family made it a big deal.

I have never had a party this awesome. I probably never will again, and that's fine....because I'll be too old anyway. Ha!

I received 30 presents for my 30th birthday from my mom and sister and family. Can you believe that? Leave it to my family to waaayyy overdo gifts. You should see our Christmases! For all you grinches out there, stop with the commercialism lecture quick and listen. Some people speak the language of gifts. It doesn't matter how small or how big, used or new. If it was given to you, it means something. It means a lot. And that's the type of person I am. So this was BIG for me.

I unwrapped the makings for smores the first night. Each ingredient was wrapped, so yes, I did unwrap a box of graham crackers. I also unwrapped a telescopic marshmallow stick. Believe it. It's extendable.

Coffee, mugs, wine, sunscreen, lotion, lip stuff, lanterns, beach umbrella, 7 tickets to SkyZone, which we used immediately. It was the greatest day ever. Gift card to Panera, framed pictures of Eli and me right before his birthday party began, and so much more.

It was about living in the moment, having everything you need and more, and spending the weekend with the ones you hold dearest to you. What more could I want?

We celebrated Eli's birthday too. The big 2. We can home from the hospital on my birthday. It's you and I buddy. 





Another homemade cake masterpiece



 A BIG thanks to all of my friends and family that came out and surprised me and helped us celebrate the day! And an HUGE thanks to my hubs, mom and sis....thank you from the bottom of my 30 year old heart. I'll never forget it.



Thursday, July 12, 2012

Facebook smacebook

Have you ever had someone stop being your friend on facebook?

It's quite reminiscent of junior high when you show up and you find out through the grapevine that your best friend has decided she's not friends with you anymore. What did you DO? You run through the things it might be. The next day you show up and BAM! She wants to be friends with you again, and it's such a relief that you totally jump in because yesterday was terrible. It hurt your stomach. But she tells you after you agree to your refriendship, that the two of you aren't going to be friends with Penelope over there.

Poor Penelope.

Did you know Steve wanted to name one of our kids Penelope? It's funny, because that's on the list of funny names I'd only consider as a joke. Or a blog post. Sorry, Penelopes.

It's too bad too, because when you are UNfriended, you must search for a reason. Did they quit facebook altogether? That must be it!

No, there they are. Shoot.

Did they start over with a new facebook account?! That must be it.

No, they still have 492 other friends.

Am I annoying?

Probably.

Ok, I'm annoying. They specifically chose me because I'm annoying. Perfect. 

Well, I can accept this. Because.........I'm almost 30. 30 is rolling with the big dawgs.

I'm taking the time to write this here because someday all TOO soon, I'm sure the unfriending will start happening to my girls. I'm sure someone's going to torture them the same way. I'm sure they are going to freak out and examine every part of themselves to see what they did wrong. What is wrong with them? They'll wonder.

After a good inner self eval, look outward, girls. Sometimes, people just have to be mean. They have to put you down to feel better. Surround yourself with the good ones, the ones that make you laugh. The ones that you will be friends with still when you are 30, 40, 50.

Life is too short to worry so much about what other people think.

Chin up! It only took 30 years to convince myself of that. But I'd like to shave many, many years off of your total, girls. 


That's my favorite part of turning 30. My very favorite part.

"Maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears, and I'll do it better my next 30 years. My next 30 years, I'm gonna settle all the scores. Cry a little less, laugh a little more. Find a world with happiness without the hate and fear. Figure out just what I'm doing here, in my next 30 years." -Tim McGraw

(She's country, girls). Sometimes.



Saturday, July 7, 2012

For the nurse

Disclaimer: this is a healing post. It was written to purge from soul to paper. It has been sitting here, burning a hole in my drafts folder. So it will be posted. In remembrance.


Dear self, 5 years or so ago, when you were an aspiring nurse. Ready to take the world on, swallowing fear, facing the long days and nights head on? You can do this, right?

Aside from the long hours and difficult days, the angry patients and worse, the families! Watch out!!! I want to tell you that you will be blindsided by something soon. I want you to know that the career you have chosen will haunt you. It will change you, and I just wish you would've known.

You wouldn't trade being a nurse for anything. I can tell you that. It's who you are and who you were meant to be and you know it. I think you have taken a path that has led you away from the inevitable so far and this is why this hurts so much now. Losing a patient, or two, or three (all the old nurses out there will tell you it comes in threes).....it was coming your way someday. Now it's here. Were you ready?

You can try and wash your hands of what happened. You can sort through all the decisions you made or didn't make. You can force yourself to believe that it wasn't in your hands. You were just the nurse. It was their time. There wasn't much you could do at that point. But it's funny. That little thing (it's big really), that sits in the base of your soul and TELLS you....you could have done better. You should have done that sooner. You should have said it better. You should have you should have you could have.....you didn't.

You'll be told that God is in control and that it was "their time". Age 46, or 64, or 72 doesn't seem like "their time". It doesn't quite settle well in your stomach. And if it was their time, you will question that if the control is out of your hands, the work that you do day in and day out...what is it for? To prolong? To squeeze out whatever we might have left? I suppose. Oh, how very bleak a thought.

I want to tell you that although I don't know the answer completely, there is is one thing that I've learned from this pile of regrets.  My regrets with each of these patients has taught me this:

Moments matter. Small ones. Ones that you think aren't significant. They can be the last. This will haunt you. It is scary. It'll bring a nasty fear from your gut that boils up and it burns your throat.

You are a lucky one though, because of your faith in God. And although you will question the last moments you had with that patient and the last words you said.....were they the right words? Remember, God is in control. Even if you biffed up something or said something you shouldn't have...even if you think you could have done better, BELIEVE the truth.

Believe that he is in heaven now.

Because that's where I picture you, my old friend. You are finally happy, and you aren't angry anymore. Your body works perfectly and best of all, you have gained what all of us desperately want and search for but cannot find: perspective. The WHY. Why? You can see it! You know the answer now, and I still don't. But this is good news for me, because you must know now how I feel about you, how I felt about you. You know that I regret our last conversation on the phone then. I wish I could have helped you more. I'm sorry I was frustrated with you. That being said, you must also know that you were a grumpy old man and quite difficult at moments.

Dear self, 5 years ago. Be strong. Rebuild your knowledge. Start fresh. You've got this. Do your best. Focus. Be cautious. Most of all, please pay attention to the small moments that suddenly and painfully become so, so big. Honor yourself and other nurses. Remember you have them and they you and you can tell them that this day hurt and they will understand the loss you feel, the empathy you have for that patient that you couldn't help, the situation that you just couldn't make better for them. How heavy it can be on the soul. Share this heavy load with them, because they have felt it too.

You can cry. The ride home is perfect for that. Wash it away. Bask in the grace of a new day.

Remember respectfully those that have gone and then learn, somehow, how to move forward.

It's the only thing to do. Move forward.

In memory of my friend, that I never expected to make...I am lucky to have known you. Thank you for teaching me that sometimes, friendship finds you.





I was alone

I was alone this week.....kind of.

Actually, I was down to a mere one child. Olivia and Sophie spent the week at Bam's house. It's a summer tradition for them and they love it. They look forward to it. They just can't wait!

It's a week that they get to be themselves, all on their own, without mom and dad, without the responsibilities that they have here. Wait. Do they have any responsibilities? Anyway....they think it's all for fun. And me? I call it yearly rehab.

What they don't know is that my Mom is on my side. She reminds them how lucky they are to have us, how much we love them and adore them. How they should treat us and each other. (Did I mention she is a counselor for children in real life)? BONUS! She builds them up and teaches them lessons. She takes them on adventures to caves and forests and beaches. They can be kids there, in Bam's home and garden paradise.

While they were off gallivanting, I learned a lot around here.

1. For one, and at a savings of a lot more than one, shockingly, all the groceries I had bought the day before they left were STILL THERE at the end of the week.

2. There was a bowl and a glass in the sink each night, and that's about it. Contrast that with the sinkful/counter-ful treat we all fight over after dinner most nights. This was a shock to the system.

3. Steve and I ate around 8 pm every night. Times didn't matter much. (Eli stuck to his strict 5:15 supper schedule). We caught up later.

4. I spend a lot of time freaking out about what's next when my kids are around. Not so much when they were away. My mom and I had an interesting discussion about this because she felt the same way. It's funny what these little people can do to their older counterparts.

5. It is QUIET around here. Even Eli didn't know what to do with himself. "Sissys?" he'd say as he walked into the door each day. "Yaya? Dophie? Where is she?" With his palms up. "Where are they?"

6. I love throwing away their stuff while they are gone. Who needs all these weird plastic toys? What are they anyway? Can we finally toss this broken ruler? Perfect. See? No one argued with me.

7. I love wine coolers. I don't care what you think. 

8. Finally, the largest lesson I learned is this: They complete my being.They are what I live for. They give me purpose and dreams and hopes and personality. They help me love life and appreciate the things around me. The bring LIFE wherever they go. When they are gone....it is noticeable. But they are in oh-so-good hands. Hanging with the Iowa City crew. Aunt Lianna, Uncle Shawn, cuz Lenora, GG Truesdell, Aunt Jo and the twins....life is good. They were missed. Now they're back, and all is complete again.

A big thank you to our Bam. We love you!


Sunday, June 24, 2012

Inappropriate times

This is a totally inappropriate time for a blog post. Especially since I've been cranking out oh....stretch.....one or so a month lately. I know. That's an impressive amount. No wonder I'm tired. 
Or is that Eli acting like a newborn? ANYway...

I should be getting ready for work and trying to stave off my chronic 3-6 minute clocking in late or early habit. I alternate between late and early just to keep it fresh for my coworkers.

I'm compelled to write this morning. There are some big things happening around here that can't be ignored. No, we can't ignore big kid changes on a mommy blog, and so I am here, supporting my poor working habits to tell you (and my older kids someday), that times are a changing. No, I'm not pregnant.

Here goes. They are growing up.

BOOOOHOOOOO!

Olivia is big. She is tall, almost as tall as I am (not hard to achieve), but STILL. She is smart and witty. She can manipulate and argue a point. She needs a razor. Need I say more without embarrassing her to death? I stare at her everyday because she looks different. She has grown up. She has left the few small years of childhood behind, emerging into something new. She chooses to stand near me and other adults at weddings. She makes adult conversation. She showers and dresses herself. She has opinions. Is anyone else in shock here?

I can't claim that no one told me. I just suppose that when you are in the midst of it all, it all seems far away.

I think the journey of parenting is like a thunderstorm. It's loud and scary. It's beautiful and calming. It's refreshing, but can overwhelm a newly planted seed. Overall, it's memorable. I remember as a kid, laying near a window listening in awe to cracks of thunder and pounding rain. I remember dozing in and out during middle of the night storms blowing my curtains into the night. It's peaceful, renewing, chaotic, change bringing. All at once.

All at once, my baby is growing up.

This is a blessing, right?

God has given me insight lately. He's given me the gift of awareness of what matters and what doesn't. Like how I look in shorts is one of those that doesn't matter. Who knew? To all of you older and wiser, perhaps this is something that comes with age? Is it? Where suddenly it makes sense a little more? Not the world itself necessarily. That will always be screwed up and undeniably crazy, but my purpose as a mom makes sense a little more. I notice moments that I will remember someday. I cherish them. I chose to use our time to make as many of those as possible. I want more. I want more memories with my kids. I want to use up and store up every ounce of what I have left with them. I want to carve who they are and their experiences and what they know on my heart. I am greedy for them.

Have you seen them? They are SO beautiful. They are works of art. They astound me.



Maybe it comes with time. Maybe Olivia can scare me into it with her adolescence. Maybe it's the 1/3 life crisis I'm having, turning the big 30 this summer. Maybe it's a gift from God and all of the above. Perspective. Choosing moments and making them matter. Opened eyes beyond tantrums and fighting and snottiness and arguing over chores. Those can be overwhelming and sometimes they are. But overall.....

I am greedy for them. They didn't ask me to grow up so quickly. Even though I'm in midst of what seems to be a totally inappropriate circumstance (how could they be so BIG?)....I feel surrounded by blessings. I'm swimming in them.

Except at the store check out line. As far as I can see, that never changes.


 



Sunday, May 13, 2012

To: Mom

My mom is a beautiful woman. She is smart, first off. She is a counselor, and she dedicates her life to others. Need I say more?

Yes, I do.

I remember a lot of things about my mom from when I was young. I remember her cooking in the little matchbox of a kitchen we had in Waterloo. I remember peonies and walks. I remember being read to and tucked in.

Later, I remember her typewriter that was in her office in Traer. She was a music teacher, and I don't know why they had a typewriter in that office, but they did. I have typed on a typewriter in my life. My kids should know that.

I remember watching her in awe as she played trumpet in the symphony. I remember sitting up in the top row of the auditorium and listening to her part. I remember she had to wear black for that. A black, long dress.

My mom made lists for us with chores we could choose from, and she left notes on our table if she left early in the morning. She made beautiful dinners and created fabulous Christmases for us. I remember the year that all I wanted was a black leather jacket in high school. I never dreamed they would buy it for me, but it was there. I still have that jacket, and I love it. (For the love language people out there, I'm a gifts/acts of service type of person). :)

I have warm memories of my mom. One where she is laying out behind our white privacy fence in Traer, with Skin-so-Soft slathered on her body and cotton balls over her eyes. Our strawberry patch and our pantry. The routine she created for me and my pogo ball for the talent show. What's a pogo ball kids? I don't know that I can adequately explain that. Google it. 


I remember once when I was so, so sad. Life was unfair. I was a teenager. I was sobbing uncontrollably in my bed. I had never been so sad, or felt so alone ever before. I remember she came upstairs and sat next to me while I cried. She said nothing at all. No lecture, no life lessons. She was just there.

Over the years, this way that she has of just being there, has continued to change my life. She has been there for each birth of my children. She has been there, holding my hand each time through the pain and tears and joy. She has seen each baby's first breath.

She has come when I've been sick. She has come when I have been overwhelmed by the world and the mess around me. She has come to celebrate. She wouldn't miss a birthday for the world. She has come to plant gardens and flowers and trees and to beautify land that was dead before. Not for her, but for me.

My mom has taught me the kind of mom I want to be. She has taught me the kind of person I hope to be.

I want you to know that I love you Mom! Thank you for all that you have done for me, for us, for everyone. Thank you for always being there.


Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Everyday I'm shuffling

I realize my last post was extremely boring and mostly for me. It's possible that most of them probably are come to think of it. So if you haven't completely written off reading this blog, I'm shocked.

I drove Sophie to the ortho this morning to cast her broken arm. Yep, a broken arm. This is a mothering first for me, which is surprising considering I have three (=1,000,000) kids, none of whom have a care in the world for their own safety or well-being. So we ventured out together on this new adventure, only to find out Sophie doesn't need a cast, just a brace and that she can....wait for it....SWIM with this brace on and even play soccer again! We stepped outside the clinic after this news and placement of the brace and she began to dance in the parking lot. At first, I was confused by this because this was Soph, not Olivia. I shrugged as we started to skip and dance to the van and I said, "What are we doing?!" And Soph said without missing a beat, "I'm shuffling!"

Everyday I'm shuffling.

She was happy. Joy. 

There were many reasons to shuffle today. The cool Iowa morning. The beautiful sun with big billowy clouds. The blooming flowers and the smell of freshly cut grass. The perfect HOMEmade iced caramel latte that I consumed, made with love for me by me with my brand new espresso machine.

You see, life is good.

There are moments in my life when things look so dark, and I'm overwhelmed by the disaster I've become. My life, too busy. My priorities, not right. My weight...sigh. And it's funny what a difference a few days can make, a weekend, a Sunday, a renewing of spirit. Where my reverse anorexia is back and I'm mentally extremely good looking and skinny. Please don't shatter my reality with a picture or anything. Thanks. Things seem to eventually get sorted out once the shake up is over and my vision is cleared. And then...whoa. The world just seems right. The days and the nights, so beautiful. The gifts in my life, overwhelmingly generous. The problems I was so consumed with worry over, small and out of my hands.

It is always hard for me to remember that God isn't surprised by my shortcomings. He doesn't slap his hand over his mouth aghast at my mothering failures or my flaws. He knows me, inside and out. And he loves me. Yep, I don't get it either. It seems that it takes me a while to remember these things, and during the process, it's dark in here. But then the shake up is over and the dust settles and I can see the truth.

My good friend's grandpa had a bad disease as he grew older, and it changed his memory and the personality he was once known for. I remember, and always will remember, the song she told me reminded her of him and where he was now. "I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright, bright sunshiny day." When he died, his clouds were gone and he could see again. And I think that maybe I'm like that too sometimes, in a different way.

Even though it isn't always easy to do, as life is sometimes, very dark....I think God wants us to see joy, to think about things that bring joy, to bask in the light he has so graciously provided. To shuffle, if you will.

And we will.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Definition: an educated person


I wrote this final paper for a class I've been taking. The instructions were to use texts we've read so far to define yourself as a student and to form your own definition of an educated person. I don't know why I'm posting it here, but for some reason, I wanted to remember this. If you are horribly bored and alone, read on. Otherwise, I'll save it for whatever use it might have for me later in life.
However, if you arrive at the end of this story, please feel free to add to my definition of an educated person as the thought of what it really means, actually, continues to elude me still.

Prior to taking this class, I had not thought much about what it meant to be an educated person. I knew it was necessary to get the job you wanted, and perhaps for the sake of having the respect of those around you in your community, but aside from those practical purposes, I had not given it any deep thought.
                Throughout this course, I have been struck by the beauty of what education offers us. Although knowledge is out there in abundance, we must be willing to seek it out in places like history, architecture, art, religion, and science. The amount of information available to us is vast and nearly immeasurable. This class has offered us an overview, a summary perhaps of each, and since only a summary, has left me wanting more. It has also taught me that the well known quote is truer than ever before: “The more I know, the more I realize I don’t know."
                A passage that comes to mind that demonstrates this point is with the reading of Lying Awake, by Mark Salzman. This book had a surface level meaning to it that any person could grasp. However, it also had another level that raised deeper questions about faith and knowledge. It dared to shake the fundamental foundation of Christianity and did not necessarily leave the reader with a definitive answer either way. I believe that this was the author’s intention in the end: to make the reader choose faith or definitive knowledge. No matter which side we choose, in order to be truly educated, we must have at least considered the question.
                To me, the last few paragraphs of the book were the most poignant. Sister John is being asked to be the new novice’s mistress but she feels inadequate. She says, “I don’t feel I know anything about God’s will, Mother.”  Sister Teresa replies, “Yet you’re still here, trying to do His will anyway. That’s the kind of understanding I meant. The doing kind, not the knowing kind.” 
                I love this quote. It could be used to define the way I look at my education. The more I learn and the more knowledge I obtain, the more there is to question. Some of those questions are unanswered and are supported by faith.
                The Unnatural Nature of Science, by Lewis Wolpert was another text that inspired me to consider my education and what it means to be an educated person. Specifically, I was interested in how he defined science. When science is defined it also defines all that science is not. I had not considered a distinction between the two before, and it was an interesting distinction to make. Taking note of the differences between what is science and what is not is key to understanding what can be considered reliable information and what cannot, but only if you fully trust and believe in what science tells us it is. I was especially struck by the author’s statement on page six,
                “Scientific ideas are, with rare exceptions, counter-intuitive: they cannot be acquired by simple inspection of phenomena and are often outside everyday experience. Secondly, doing science requires a conscious awareness of the pitfalls of ‘natural’ thinking. For common sense is prone to error when applied to problems requiring rigorous and quantitative thinking; lay theories are highly unreliable.”
                In particular, this quote made me consider how much of what we believe is actually “lay theory”, and how many of the beliefs we hold are the same. There are some issues that cannot be placated by our best guesses. But they deserve much more as Wolpert suggests: problems that require rigorous and quantitative thinking.
                Lastly, I want to speak to the simple beauty that knowledge combined with inspiration delivers. This beauty is evidenced by the works of the hands of the architects, for example, that produce visual projections of their knowledge and inspiration for the world to see (and to appreciate if it attempts to do so).
                The Architecture of Happiness by Alain de Botton was a lovely representation of what the combination of knowledge, education, and skill can accomplish. The author describes why architecture can move us. He says on page 22, “We may need to have made an indelible mark on our lives, to have married the wrong person, pursued an unfulfilling career into middle age or lost a loved one before architecture can begin to have any perceptible impact on us, for when we speak of being ‘moved’ by a building, we allude to a bitter-sweet feeling of contrast between the noble qualities written into a structure and the sadder wider reality within which we know them to exist. A lump rises in our throat at the sight of beauty from an implicit knowledge that the happiness it hints at is the exception.”
                These words hold more truth and beauty and do not need an explanation in my own words. However, I do want to say that I believe that knowledge produces an unavoidable external beauty for the world to take in. The offspring of the two, knowledge and inspiration, can be found in the skillful suture of a surgeon, or an unforgettable novel written by the hand of the inspired author, or in the harmony of a soulful piece composed by its author musician. Knowledge combined with inspiration produces, in various ways, visual, tangible, and beautiful projections. To me, this is the gift given to us by our Creator.
                Assessing myself as a learner, I would say that I am eager. I am eager to consider things I haven’t before. I am eager to be better than I was yesterday. I am challenged by my calling in life to be a nurse and a mother and a student, but I will continue to struggle to carve out the time needed to be successful at all of the above. Continuing education changes who I am.
                My time at Grandview has given me a broad view of what I need to be a useful part of society. Relating to my career as a nurse, I am just beginning the core of the BSN program and thus have not reached the material that will be most applicable to my career. However, the broad based knowledge that I have gained from this class and others will forever inspire me. They have given me the will to learn more. Grandview has a way of challenging me as a student, but removing the fear and distance that you feel at a larger university. Grandview has a way of making each student matter.
                The two classes that stand out to me from Grandview are this capstone course, as it gave a beautiful overview of the general education core.  The second was a caring class for nurses that I took a few years back. This was a class that reinforced in me the reasons I became a nurse and the reasons why I needed to be the best nurse I could be. It reminded me of the depth of my calling and the responsibility we have to our patients to be skillful and integral. It inspired me to do more and work harder to give more to the nurses of the future. It further inspired me to teach others. It is the reason why I am still working toward that goal today.
                My definition of an educated person is as follows: A person in awe of the unknown, who consciously seeks out truth and is transformed by that truth, evidenced by the works of their hands, their words, and their mind.