The age 12: a thank you to my eldest

Today you turn 12. Gulp. I can't help it, my child. It's a little hard to swallow that idea. Last night as I showed off your awesomely bad "12" cake to your dad, he said, "Wow," almost in a whisper. "We have a 12 year-old?" I nodded, biting my lip. "We're old."

So are you, Livy. You are old too. No longer a tiny babe. No longer a toddler or a child either. Somewhere now, you are in between all of that and being a full-blown adult. In between somewhere. And so smart. You are fabulously lovely and fiercely funny. You are a joy to be around and the very best dress designer I've ever met. You are a sweet thinking soul, too silly for your own good sometimes, but I wouldn't change you a bit.

I love sharing clothes and shoes with you. I love competing in Wii Just Dance with you even though the person on the left always wins. I love to watch you dance at your performances. You smile and I melt. You are so beautiful.

Please don't ever stop being you. Please follow your dreams and be all that you dream to be. Please don't let anyone get in your way. Be strong, courageous, ready for a challenge, and go out there and get what you hope for. Ask me to pray for you when you are attempting something new or crazy. Know that I will ALWAYS have your back.

I love that you are 12. I love that you look like me. I love that God knew how much I would need you and how much I would want you.

Most of all, Olivia, thank you for making me a mother, which was and is and will always be, the very most important and defining moment of my life.

Happy Birthday, babe!

Off the grid: big plans for 2015

September was the last time I wrote here. It's now 2015 and I honestly skipped over the reflection of what it all means and was sleeping on the couch around 8:38. But don't let my apathy for the new year fool you. I've got big plans for this year. Not because it's a new year, but because I've got big plans. I can't share all of them here quite yet, but here are a few I can:

1. We will expand our garden to epic proportions. I want to grow as much food as I possibly can to sustain us for the year. I've got a deep freeze with our name on it and I feel like last year was a magical garden year, but it was also a learning year. (The seed packet said one seed in a hill six inches apart NOT six seeds in a hill six inches apart. Thus the Watermelonsplosion of 2014). I learned what to plant, what works well, what doesn't do well, what I didn't have enough of, what there was too much of. And now I've formulated the master plan....mwahahahaha.

2. I'm going on the Nada's cruise in February (the worst month to be in Iowa of the year if you ask me). First off, I know how it sounds. But really, 1. I've never been on a cruise before and B. I've never been on a girls trip before. The excitement is palpable. Unless you're Steve, who is likely unsure how Eli is going to manage more than 8 hours away from his mama, in which case he's right....it may be rough. But this is haaaapenninnnng!!!!!! I love this band!!!

3. I will find a way to get Eli to sleep past 2 am and then again at 4 am. For obvious reasons.

4. I will be writing  more. It always goes by the wayside because there truly is a lot to get done in life and kids are a very busy undertaking. But, it is therapeutic for me. It is soul-revealing and confessional. It is the unloading of a massive number of thoughts into one place that begins to form some sense, and to me, it is a discipline that must be exercised no matter my busy level. 

5. Watch more BBC/PBS. Call the Midwife, Downton Abbey, Sherlock, The Bletchley Circle. COME ON!!! It doesn't get better than this.

6. Be purposeful in relationships. I shut down my facebook account for a while. I'll probably go back eventually and retrieve all my pictures of the babes. But, my world was starting to feel a little too robot. Like I was participating in things by "liking" them. Or that my "like" was a real congratulations or it meant I participated in that event. Which it is...sort of...and I get that, but I just realized that I need real people. Like the kind that call or stop by. The ones who would come if I were in trouble. I want to be that person for others!!!! I realize that thanks to facebook, I have access to 500 people that I wouldn't probably keep in touch with otherwise. And that is amazing, truly. But for now, my heart was seeking some legitimate contact. The life off the grid. Steve just shaved his awesome beard, but up until then, we looked pretty legit. Yep, call me or text me because I'm off. the. grid. For a little bit. Except my phone and Pinterest and this blog and Des Moines Moms Blog. If you'd like to fax me press the star key.

7. I will be a good human being. I will help where there is the need. I will love people for who they are and where they are. I will give intentionally. I will not waste. I will simplify. I will use what I have and save and grow and produce. I will work with my hands. I will create. I will make things count. I will be a worthy example for my children.

It'll be a really legit year.

Happy 2015 everyone! Do you have big plans too?