What is perfect

Autumn Roast Coffee

Between you and I, it is something you want. Target will sell it to you. I'm having it right now with cinnamon vanilla creamer in it and Redi Whip on top. It is what I like to call a"Fall Miracle" if you will, and I will.

Cheers.

The morning is cool today and I need a blanket while I sit on my couch and write to you.Who's excited?!!! (It's supposed to be 98 today later). I'm ignoring that. The transformation to fall is my favorite time of year, one that my sisters and I love so much, we think it happens much earlier than it does and we can be found wearing sweatshirts and drinking cider in July sometimes. Shopping for school supplies and thinking about football and chili makes me giddy.

I haven't had words to express exactly what I've felt since moving out here to our new place. I don't know that I can pin it all on moving to the sort of country or give credit to the location solely either. Maybe it's my age (strrretch), this time of life, my kids growing up...I don't know what. But there is change taking place in me, in who I am, in how I think. It is too big for me to understand and bigger yet for me to adequately verbalize or eloquently offer to you here in any sort of understandable manner because it confuses me, but I do know that starting over is good. So, I'll say that. Starting over is good. It reminds me of where I came from, and lets me embrace and teach those things to my children. It reminds me of my things in my past I'd like to leave behind but won't let myself forget. It reminds me of things I want to keep in my memory forever and pass on to them so they will remember too. It reminds me of who I am and why, the good and the bad and the funny and whatever else there might be that has shaped that.

As some of my favorite people say, "It IS what it IS."

Whatever that means.

What I do know is that I have to learn to accept that this is who I am, shaped by the things that I do and I don't like in my life. I can work to be a better person and work to be healthier and kinder and do this and do that and work harder and harder, but in the end, hating on yourself is something else entirely. That is a fine and thin line that I cross often.

Nothing is perfect.

On Sunday morning, Eli ran out to pick up all of the flags we had out in the yard to mark out Rosie's invisible fence. His job was to pick up every one of them on the whole property. He ran out in his striped fire truck pajamas and bed head and super man shoes through the morning dew and I followed him, wrapped up in a cozy sweatshirt clutching my coffee. He ran as fast as his little legs could carry him and I watched him grab every flag and bring it back to me as if he had found the greatest treasure there had ever been. We walked the whole property doing this in the morning sun.

I realized that in that moment, taking in everything I could, watching my son finding so much joy in something so small, that I suppose I was wrong. That was perfect. Nothing has ever been more perfect.

What is perfect to you?

Worst planners ever

It has been brought to my attention recently that we are terrible planners. (For everyone who knows me I know you just slapped your hand over your wide open mouth in shock). I plan out what I'm doing exactly 30 seconds before I do it. I will invite you to dinner two hours before dinner. If you ask me to do something a weekend in October, my palms get sweaty......I think that this is more of a coping mechanism than anything else. If I don't commit to a thing, I can adapt to the needs of the moment and to the needs of the people around me. Is my child falling apart right now? Perfect! I have no plans. I can put them to bed. Does this make me lame? Absolutely. Does this make me incredibly spontaneous? Yes! Is this the right way to do things?

Um....

Who is done with rhetorical questions?

Anyway, this brings me to this weekend: Labor Day. Some people plan out what they are doing (in advance). Steve and me? Never occurred to us.

Sooo.....this weekend came. We looked at each other. A few people asked us what we were doing for the holiday. We looked at each other, confused. Holiday?

But then, thankfully the girls' social lives totally came through for them and they had some sleepovers. And so we got a babysitter for Eli and Steve and I took the motorcycle out. It was beautiful out and chilly and I wasn't prepared for it (imagine that, I wore a tank top) and we had to stop and buy me a new sweatshirt at Target because we were going to go to the mall but didn't prepare for the fact that it would be closed on a Sunday night (imagine that), but I scored a new sweatshirt out of the deal didn't I? It was good. This whole having a 15 year-old girl living across the street deal now is too sweet to describe. This is our second date in two weeks. (Record).

Yesterday, we were like....should we go to Menards? Sure. So we did. Then we went on a picnic. Steve wanted to go somewhere new other than our standard Big Creek adventure so he googled somewhere in our new vicinity. We ended up here:

Voas Nature Center. History says this: The initial 265 acres were donated to the Dallas County Conservation Board by Lyle and Mae Voas. Both brother and sister had a desire to see their family farmland restored to a native prairie and forest condition similar to pre-Euro-American settlement. They intended for the area to become a wildlife refuge and educational center.

We got into the parking lot and said, "Let's drive in a little bit further" because it didn't look like anything but a building. But then there was nowhere else to drive. :) So, we parked and walked behind the only building there, and it was like a paradise back there! There was a hidden area with a picnic table and a hidden walkway, and then miles and miles of groomed trails through prairie and forest. It was fabulous. We had a blast. There was so much to explore. We'll definitely go back. Did I mention we had the entire place to ourselves?

Luckily, we had the place to ourselves. Otherwise, this would have been embarrassing.

Plan it or don't. It doesn't matter. Just don't forget extra underwear for your potty training son. Happy Holidays.

Oh, and for my planning friends. Please plan for me. I need you.