Our most optimistic natures

Isn't it magical dreaming of spring? I read an article by Brent Olson in Country Life magazine this morning that said this:

"Of course, hope is what spring is all about. that's why it's harder to come by some years. To be properly seduced by springtime requires a certain level of magical thinking, the belief that this year will be different, that the strawberries will be sweeter and the tomatoes staked, that the crops will grow lush and tall, that the rains will come and the sun will shine. A flower is simply hope made manifest; springtime is just the expression of our most optimistic natures."

Goodbye snow...

You've always impressed me

Today is your birthday, Olivia Noelle!!! 11 years old.

I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. You were the first to make me a mother, and being a mother is by far my favorite thing to be. Thank you for teaching me how to be a mom and for being so strong and smart and funny. I describe you as a ball of fire and energy set free into the world. You shine EVERYWHERE you go. You brighten every room. I can hear your giggle in my mind as I write this now.

We've been busy lately with Christmas, our trip to the Black Hills, basketball, and more. I know your birthday is hard because people are homebodies after the holidays and tired of traveling or whatever, and maybe you are tired of presents too. (Although I doubt it)! But I thought I'd remind you of all the fun things we've been doing lately in just the last few weeks!!! You kids are so much fun.

Snowmobiling trip!

Monster Jam was loud!

We made candy-cane cookies

You are growing up beautifully

So, I just wanted to tell you, that you've always impressed me. From the moment I laid eyes on you, you took my breath away. You still do. You are growing up so beautifully. You are responsible and thoughtful. You are smart and witty.

Keep on shining babe. We love you. Happy Birthday!

Christmas at the cabin

For when my kids realize I'm a spaz

Recently, I wrote this post about finding out that I was becoming a mother for the first time. It didn't start out pretty, because I was young and it was unexpected. But it turns out, that isn't the true focus of the story.  Sure I was scared. Sure I didn't know what I was doing or how things would turn out, but I did know one thing. I loved her. From the moment I laid eyes on her, on the fuzzy little ultrasound screen, I loved her.                                                                                                                                                                         Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking. There are some that would disagree with me here. She thinks? They wonder.... I'm sure my Dad is remembering when I drove away from Casey's with the gas pump still in the Plymouth....

I'm still a total dip.

A year or two ago, a guy in Ankeny chased me down (I thought, to murder me...), to give me back my wallet that I had left on top of my car at the gas station while pumping gas.

So, I agree that I'm not brightest crayon in the box most days, but I do think about other things throughout the day. These thoughts cause me to do things like leave wallets on roofs, and drive away with gas pumps, leave houses without diapers or wipes....awesome.

ANYway, lately I've become aware during my thoughtful moments, of how much my children have changed me, affected me, molded me. I think, because I was a young mom, that we did a bit of growing up together, definitely a lot of learning together, and because of that there is much of them that can't be untangled from me. They helped make me. It wasn't their job or anything and they didn't know they were doing it and I didn't know it at the time either. But the more I think about it, it's true. I wasn't done growing up yet when I had them, so we traveled that road together a bit haphazardly. Sometimes they were lucky to have a young mom. OMG! I love pools and slushies too!! Did Mom just run after the ice cream truck? Heehaw! Then, sometimes it's not so cool, now that I look back. I was probably too impatient. I always thought I was failing and I thought normal things that every kid did were "naughty" or "annoying". Now, by kid #3, I'm so laid back, it's to a fault. But to Olivia, I owe an apology. She was probably confused most of the time.

"My mom is cool and fun! But she's impatient and frustrated. I don't get what we're doing here."

Agreed. I didn't know what I was doing there.

But I loved you.

Yesterday, you were playing a basketball scrimmage. You had chosen your own clothes and done your own hair. You could fix your own headband. Your legs are long. You are the tallest girl out there! You were wearing my shoes.... I couldn't stop staring at you! You are supposed to be small. I remember struggling to keep you in my lap to put in your "fountains" (pigtails) and you loved Dora and running through the sprinkler. I remember picking out your clothes everyday and reading you books at night and the way you'd scream "nnnnnnNNNNNNOOOO!!!" at me and run away like you were winding up the word before you'd actually scream it. You've always impressed me.

Babes, if there's ever a time when you look back and wonder, what was Mom thinking? What a spaz! Just remember please, I loved you. That's all I have to fall back on. That's probably all I'll ever have to fall back on. You are constantly changing me and making me better. You calm the frustrated parts of me and give them perspective as I am mesmerized at how fast you grow. You shine light into the dark places in my heart and make sure I don't dwell there. You have ensured that I am the richest person to ever walk the face of this earth.

I try very hard to give it back to you, to show you if but just a fraction of the amount of love and gratitude I feel for you. Through hugs and kisses, folding and cleaning, arriving on time (occasionally), filling my spot on the bleachers, food and treats on your plates, love notes in your lunchboxes, chasing and laughing through the house, planting flowers and watching them grow, and tucking you in tight at night. But if the time comes that you just can't figure what I might be thinking, if at all....

Just remember, my children, how I love thee.

Target

Plaid = dressing up

This might have been Halloween...or a regular day

 P.S. All these pictures are extremely old. Like you now. Look how cute you were!

Love,

Mom