God has been teaching me a lot of lessons lately. One, that I'm horrible at surprises. Two, I don't know how He works very well. Three, I possess perseverance. Number three is verified by the number of times I've checked the NCLEX website in the last 24 hrs even though I know they won't post it early.
There are two things I can foresee happening. Before it gets too obvious, here we go. God could grant my desperate wish for me to somehow have done ok on this exam. I could be a nurse today. I could have a license. It would be real. It would be one of my biggest achievements in my life.
OR, I could have not done so hot. While this would be completely devastating to me, I could find purpose in it, I think. I sat with a girl yesterday who I knew sort of well who did not pass. She cried and cried and called her mom who was no help at all. She worried about money and she was so embarrassed. I sat with her as long as I could before going to orientation and we talked about her options now. I tried to impress upon her that this is not the end. She WILL eventually pass. No matter what. This happens to a lot of nurses. So, in that, I feel like if I did fail, I could help others study for round 2. I could build up others. I can persevere and encourage. If that is what God wants from me, I'll do it........I guess. :)
As much as I could find purpose in failing I REALLY REALLY don't want to. For all the hours that I was away from my family, away from my girls, away from normal life here. For all the nights I studied away to take the exam the next day, and for all the people who have supported me throughout this past two and a half years, I really want to succeed for you. I want to succeed for those hours and those nights and my girls and my husband and my mom and my dad and sister and brother, and friends who called night and day to support me without fail, I really really want to pass for you. If I don't, I at least know that it wasn't because I didn't try. I promised myself there wouldn't be anything left undone before I took this exam, so I could feel good about it and KNOW that I did my very best. I did that. I can feel good about doing that.
And whether it is or it isn't today at 8 am.....ok. It is well with my soul.
2 comments:
oh I love you! i know exactly how you feel...it isn't fun waiting. YOu are such a wonderful woman and I am so proud of how God is using you. I will keep you in my prayers.
WAY TO GO WOMAN!!!!
You have had such single-purposed devotion to chasing your God-given gift! And I say this with no reservation - fulfilling your potential does not leave anything/anybody out or under-served, because it was supernaturally powered and achieved! You have done well, baby, you have done well!
I love you and am so proud to call you friend,
Tara
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