Same ol'

Have you ever noticed yourself doing the same stupid thing over and over again? Not intentionally or purposefully, but inadvertently....making the outcome even more annoying? You vow to never do it again, and then you plead with God to bail you out once again. And then it becomes almost embarrassing to even ask God for help anymore.

But should that be true? Of course not. (I love answering my own questions).

This morning I woke up in a panic. 3 flippin 30 in the a.m. I have to work at 7. This is poor news for me already, knowing that I'm terrible at getting back to sleep if it's less than 5 hours from the time I have a date with life. Why was I panicked? I wondered that too. So I had anxiety for a minute or two about why I was having anxiety. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. MONEY. BILLS. NEXT PAYCHECK.

But hadn't I covered this base? Hadn't I been so sure about my new budget and my savings and this and that? Hadn't I had the perfect 6 month plan to success paying off debt?

Leave it to me to vastly miscalculate something on a regular basis. Note: It's not a good idea to try and pay off more debt than what you have to pay off that debt. That's me. It's consistently me. CRAP.

So I found myself here again. Panic. Nervous. Pulling up the calculator on my computer and computing dates, times, exact amounts, checks, balances....etc. Then, as always, I realize....I have no choice but to trust in God. It doesn't sound hard to trust. After all, God has a perfect track record in my life. He has ALWAYS come through for me, even financially, when we were much much worse off than we are now (or could even imagine at this point), he has come through...he will.......right?

Why do I have so little faith? What will it take for me to ditch the initial panic?

Insert "morning" devotions. No, I do not do these on a daily basis. That would be cool though.

Anyway, here is what I found:

"Perhaps as you look at your own life, you feel as if you have no faith at all. I think of Mary Graham's words that faith is not about our mustering up huge reserves of mountain-moving power but about leaning on Christ, trusting our Father, and taking one more step. We start with what we have. We bring the tiniest seed of faith that God has placed in our spirits, and God honors that faith. If we spend our time looking at the mountain, we will be overwhelmed, so we nurture the seed that God has planted in us." -Sheila Walsh (Women of Faith)

"God has a marvelous way of selecting those of us who seem the unlikeliest to succeed or are the most miserable misfits and using us for his glory. Jesus has unlimited patience to forgive us for being stupid. Or mean. Or thoughtless. Or hurtful. When we confess our failures and ask him to forgive us, he does so gladly. And then he loves to see us use our second chances to correct our mistakes and get back on the Christlike path." -Thelma Wells

"You cannot trust without moving out of your head." -Nicole Johnson

I'd like to get out of italics writing now, but it's stuck this way. Sigh.

So, I'm going to choose to have faith today. And tomorrow. And I'm going to rest in the promise that God has for us that things are going to be ok. And I'm going to picture him doing these things gladly....God is the hero, and I am thankful for that.