One

Aren't they precious? Yesterday we spent the evening, after soccer, digging up dry spots in our yard and planting grass seed. Tonight, Grandma Jan arrives to help us plant a garden and lots of flowers too. And last night, we got a fantastic rain to help us out. Whoohoo!

As a follow up from my last post (see Mother Bear), I talked to Olivia's teacher about the issue I had with the whole trip. It went medium well. She agreed with me that it was a poor idea, and agreed it was not accomplishing much other than isolating kids from their peers. She told me some of the younger kids had already lost their trip, and it was sad. Kindergarteners?

I asked her for a list of the character flaws that Olivia has, but she couldn't give me any...other than non-character issues like enjoying attention and being silly. I told her that personality differences didn't equal character flaws. She suggested I talk to the committee that decided on the trip. I told her I was talking to her because she knew Olivia, spent nearly every day with her, knows her heart and how hard she works. I was talking to her, because I knew she could help make a difference for ALL of the "bad" kids. ;) She reluctantly said she'd bring it up, but I'm not exactly hopeful of any real result.

But I can tell you this: Olivia is not attending the trip, even if she "earns" it (by being quiet). She is also not attending rules school on that day while her peers go to the lake. My main goal is that NONE of the kids attend rules school on that day. The issue is NOT that they don't understand the rules, the issue is that many of them are a bit behind in social skills, that they may have impulse control problems, that they don't possess the adult ability to assess all the consequences of their behavior (which upon the last research I read, doesn't fully take place until the early 20's...so most definitely not when we're 7). Huh. Sounds like kids aren't adults? They can't always keep long term goals (over months of time) to be quiet. And while I'm all for natural consequences, I'm not for a program that only punishes and doesn't reward. And I'm not for a program that doesn't offer any way to make retribution for their mistakes or earn anything either. The kids are not caught in the hallways doing something nice for others and can't earn points. They only lose them when they mess up. And I teach  my girls that mistakes aren't always permanent; that we can apologize and do our best to make things right. This program at school, debunks that truth.

I've talked to Olivia in kid terms. She understands that no matter what, she won't be there that day. She knows that I don't agree with the fact that all of the kids can't go. But I told her that I'm not mad at her school or her teacher, and it's a personal decision between me and her. I told her it's just something we decided, and it was something for mom to talk about, but not for her to spread around. And she understands. She is making plans for our day together, a day we plan on celebrating her awesome character and all of the hard work and stress that previously went to a purposeless cause. I'm proud of her for trying so hard. I won't agree that she lacks character for going down the slide backwards. And while she knows I still hold her to the highest standards, (she is expected to always follow school rules), on May 13th, we plan on going down slides backwards all day long.

And yesterday, for the first time in a long time, Olivia had a great day at school. She didn't define her day by what she did wrong. She told me about science and how they were learning to measure and weigh things. She told me about recess. She talked about her friends. Sounded like a kid to me...not an angry disgruntled adult after a long day's work...which is appropriate since she is, after all, 7 years old. And if anything, that's all I wanted, for her not to stress so much that she loses her excitement for life and learning. At least for one day, she forgot all about losing her "points", failing, and lacking character. So while, I may not be successful in saving all the "bad" kids from being squashed, I can say I'm doing my best to save one. (One of the best kids on the planet).

Stay tuned for garden awesomeness to come....have a great day!