Huh?

Have you ever noticed that sometimes what you think you need is not what you need at all? That's me. I think I know stuff about myself and I think I know a thing or two about my situation. Buzzer. Ennnnnnhhh.

Around Christmas and New Year, our floor at work did not have a whole lot of patients. This is funny because people still have chest pain, they just wait until after the holidays to come in. Anyway, I lost hours like mad and on top of it, we had our planned vacation the week after Christmas and there I was with no accrued paid time off for that week. Things were looking bleak. I thought about it and I worried about it. Steve and I discussed it and I thought about getting an additional job to get up to 40 hours a week. After some thought, this sounded like a scheduling nightmare I didn't want to dream up and so I decided to stick with what I knew and try my best to get hours.

This is the first week in a while that I've found myself working every day. I picked up hours that I lost and I worked all of my shifts (tomorrow being the last one). And while extra money that awaits me two weeks from now sounds pleasant and nice, the price is too high. Nursing is a stressful job. It stresses my mind and my body. It's hard work. This week I've done my best to balance family and work but work is winning. I'm too tired to read my girls a book at night and I can't clean up my house at all. The laundry isn't touched and the dishes are only done by Steve. I can't move. This might be complicated by the fact that I rejoined the kickboxing class at the Y on Monday. (Stupid stupid move). Now I'm sore AND tired. YESSS! My plan tonight was to hang out with my little Livy bomb for her b-day. Play games with the family, make a nice dinner, tuck my kids into bed after a long book that I was patient enough to let Olivia read. What happened? I made a nice dinner and cookies for Olivia, ate, crashed on the couch and fell asleep only to wake in time to tuck the girls into bed and say goodnight. Sigh. This got me thinking. It may just be that some weeks, I'm intended to lose hours. Some weeks, I'm not. I think I'll just start going with the flow. I think I'll let go of the reins now. I apparently, do not belong in charge of this life.

Remember a while back when I was super positive and peppy in every blog and I told you to wait until January or February for some more level, somber me? :) Maybe just this once. Sometimes, this blog is my only therapy!

Here's to my next paycheck. I'm going to bed!

ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz