Ask anything,,,,Part 2

Things don't always work out the way we plan. I get it! I promise I do. But doesn't it suck when you think things are going to work out your way but then they don't? Say that you are sure that it's meant to be...you just know it's for you! But then......nope. Not so much. Are you disappointed? Do you have the right to be angry? Is there a way not to?

For a stronger person perhaps.

From Ask Anything Part 1, you may have gathered how excited I was to receive such a quick answer from God, a blessing out of nowhere, help from the unexpected person, place, time, all of it. It felt very....hmmmm....God like.

So, why is it that the letter she wrote for me still wasn't good enough for the insurance company? Why do I now owe the hospital because they paid me benefits on accident? The answer I thought I received was not so. This bothers me. Not because I'm stomping my feet like an impudent child who has not gotten her way. It bothers me...because what I believed to be true did not produce the outcome I expected.

But why? I can't help but ask.

The answer to this question I fear I will not understand fully. I can't explain why things happen the way they do. I have not written off God because things didn't go my way...at least the way I thought they should go. God is deeply intertwined into my being. It's not something that can be stripped away so easily. But still. What do we do when we feel let down by God? It's hard to even admit, right? It's been hard for me. The Ask Anything part 1 blog was written a few days before I posted it. In fact, in my joy of what God had done for me, I posted that post, unable to keep it to myself. After the multiple phone calls the next day, the denial of pay for sick time, the defeat of the letter that I had such high hopes set on.....I quickly deleted it. Not out of anger. Not out of sadness...but out of a profound "I just don't get it."

I can't quite explain where I'm at now. I guess I feel a bit dumbstruck. I've been stopped in my tracks. I'm waiting, listening, trying to understand the way God works....which for now, shall remain a mystery to me.