Not the happiest blog on the block

Not sure I've ever had a blogging hiatus of this proportion. It's for a reason...a few reasons actually.

I've been sick. I know you're all gasping in shock. No, I know that sickness floats over my head waiting to rain down upon me at all times, but this time...I'm down and out. Not just physically, but it's taken my joy away too. I'd like to say I could handle all the vomiting and not being able to get off the couch. But, unfortunately...I can't.

I cry a lot and tell Steve how I just can't do it anymore. I try to picture the little gumball baby that I'm lucky to have and wanted so deeply. But I just can't picture that baby, and I just can't conjure up the longing that I once had, and I just don't know why. I'm overwhelmed with guilt. As I should be the one to rejoice in that I've never had to know what it's like to lose a baby. So what's my problem?

However, this sadness could be related to the ever-inspiring month of January. Sense my sarcasm? Who doesn't do flips down the driveway for -30 degree weather and NO chance of going anywhere? Even if I could stop throwing up.

At any rate, blogging has been my release in the past, my joy and pastime. And I thought I'd give it a go again. Why not? Even if my words don't make sense and they're all bound up in hormonal emotions I can't control.

And in the meantime, as my due date gets pushed back further and further to the point that this baby will be born sometime in the next few years....please pray that the puking can pass for now, as I've got no reserve left. God's got to know that right?

I'll cling to that for a few days more.