So many hours!

My family is gone this weekend. Last time they were gone, I cried for a week. This time, I cried when they left (thank you pregnancy), and then I got a raging headache from crying and decided crying was no longer acceptable because of it's consequences. Since then, I've learned to enjoy this time to myself. Sure, I still miss them. Terribly. But I....

went out to eat
visited an elementary school sock hop and danced with a million little kids (I actually knew one of them) :)
donated some canned food items
shopped at Target (daily)
picked up girl scout cookies
went to a pampered chef party
paid bills
hung out with Rosie Posie Clark and played nintendo
did the dishes (this was only necessary once). I had a cereal bowl in there and a plate. I nearly fainted.

and now I'm sitting here thinking how many hours there are in the day! What now? I never knew there were so many hours. With no one to pick up. No one to drop off. No dinner to make. No breakfast to make. No baths to give. No clothes to set out. No homework to do. No girl scout meetings or conferences or concerts or anything! What's a girl to do?

I don't know. But I hope it involves some cheesecake.

40 days of osem

My new background signifies my decision that it is now Spring. Aren't you excited? I am. I know changing my blog background will help it along its way. For sure. Darrell said he heard a robin this morning while scooping snow. I believe it. And I'm grasping onto that idea.....tightly. :)

This morning I went to volunteer for Meals from the Heartland. This particular event was to package meals for Haiti and victims of the earthquake. I heard of the event at church last night at 5 pm. By the time I signed up it was 7 am this morning. Packaging meals only lasted til 8:30. I frowned.

I've wanted to volunteer for Meals from the Heartland for about 4 years now. Each year, I have great intentions. One year, I was sick. The rest I was just busy. Busy. I'm learning to hate that word.

At church last night, our pastor talked about "busy". How we put off the things we think we should do, or the things we even want to do because we're busy. We're busy with work, and school, kids, activities, hobbies. Whatever it is keeping us busy, it's real. We are, as Americans, very busy.

I find that I'm a person who has been busy, but I can't always say that anymore. I work 3 nights a week. I'm home and awake for three days and four nights. In a row. What do I do with those? Well, I take care of my house and my kids. I take them to school and preschool, the library, the park (when it's sunny), Target. I make myself busy. And I've clung to the busy mentality, that someday, I'll have free time to do the things I've always said I wanted to do. And then last night, I realized...I could keep that mentality forever...but my busy excuse doesn't really apply anymore. I've got some free time...NOW.

Pastor Mike's sermon was about Lent. 40 days of change. Hope calls it an Extreme Makeover. We are encouraged to hone in on the spiritual disciplines. I've just learned what they are:

Fasting (I can already smell failure on this one)
Fellowship (MY FAVORITE!)
Confession
Celebration
Study
Service
Simplicity
Prayer

He spoke about why we give things up for lent, the purpose behind it: to discipline ourselves to be closer to God. Not in the way where we tell everyone what we're doing and look distraught and talk about it all the time. But in a "between you and me, God" type of way. Conscious decisions to stick to "it", whatever "it" might be. He encouraged us not to tell everyone what we're giving up and making a big deal out of it, and while I'm going to tell you what I'm doing for Lent, it's not for the purpose of getting positive feedback, or so that I can look forlorn and people will feel sorry for me. I'm telling you because this is both a confession (see above list of discipline) as well as my service, as well as my prayer, simplicity, celebration, and fellowship. It requires prayer and study. I haven't found a decent way to incorporate fasting yet...shoot.

Anyway, for lent, I've decided to follow through. Anticlimatic right?

Here are my thoughts:

Confession: I have lots of great ideas. I think about making people happy all the time. I think of great gifts to give, things I could do to serve people, ways I could make things better for others, ways to show God's love....and then, I don't do it. I rarely do it, anyway. And if I do, it turns out haphazard, rushed...not the way I intended, at all. I've had lots of excuses for these turnouts. #1 on the list: I've just been so busy! And that excuse has, up until now, worked for me.

Prayer and Study: In order to follow through on things, it has necessitated prayer and study. What does God want me to do? How can I use what he's given me to achieve it? When it's hard, how can I find encouragement through Him?

Simplicity: My ideas are sometimes big. Bigger than what I can handle, and often unrealistic. My funds are limited (shocker). How can I follow through with the things I want to do to help people with the resources I have been given? This leads me to a mindset of simplicity. And it keeps my intentions from getting lost in the bigness of the idea. I'm happy for that. Scenario: I'm bummed I can't afford a missions trip. I'd LOVE to go on a missions trip. What can I do instead? What CAN I do? Turns out: lots. Lots of simple things.

Service: the act of following through on the ideas I'm given to make people's lives better.

Fellowship & celebration: The joy that comes along with, during, and after an act of service and the completion of a discipline. This part is super osem.

Today I went to help out with Meals from the Heartland. I was late signing up. No surprise there. Normally this would turn out as me not going at all, or doing something haphazard instead. The spots were full for packaging meals. But there was openings on the clean up crew. Cleaning up? Huh. Less glamorous for sure. Pregnant girl? "What good are you?" I thought. I pictured myself backing out when asked to carry a big table or all the reasons I couldn't. Then there was the time. I was only available from 9-11..when Soph is at preschool. Packaging stops at 8:30. Another reason not to go. And normally I wouldn't. I still had those same thoughts. But I disciplined myself to go. I ended up volunteering on the cleaning crew, carrying empty boxes from A to B in the church. It was tiring, but the atmosphere was extraordinary. The air was buzzing with joy, fellowship, and celebration. All through an act of service.

Simplicity: I was given this gift by God today. I carried boxes...aka...I carried a watermelon. That's what I kept thinking each trip up and down the stairs with boxes. You know....Dirty Dancing quote? My ego would've loved to have been up on the stage reporting excitedly how many meals had been packaged as of 8:30 with lots of applause to follow. But instead, I found EXTREME joy in a simplistic task, along with a group of other box carriers, following through on an experience I will NEVER forget, and I can't believe I've missed out on all this time.

While I've told you what my plan for Lent is, I won't report each thing I follow through on, nor am I hoping for pats on the back from others. This IS something between me and God and I can't wait to continue on with it, to see where it leads me, to see what I can do when I listen to instruction. But writing/blogging is where my thoughts come to the surface and make sense (to me anyway!). And now that I've written it, I've committed to it. And that's why this entry exists.

I'm excited for what God will do this season. Oh the places we'll go.... (Thanks Dr. Seuss).

Happy Lent!

Concerto

Olivia starred in her 1st grade concert last night. She was the most gorgeous, animated singer up there...hands down. Total Broadway material. (Not that I'm partial or anything.) Anyone would agree.

:)

Pictures don't come out well from the gym, so....

Here are some highlights from the evening:


Dan, Amy, and Hannah came too!


Olivia rummaging through my purse before the concert


My big girl


If you want to destroy my schweater....sweaters courtesy of Aunt Amy and Uncle Dan for Christmas. These were life savers, considering Olivia now owns NO dress clothes that fit her. Oops.


Sophie insisted I take a picture with her cats and boa. O...K...


The only picture we could get where Sophie didn't stick her tongue out or have a thumbs up.


My snow lady. Isn't she precious?

Osem

Here is Olivia's valentine aka "valentimes" (One of the few mispronunciations we have left). She made it at school and brought it home for me.

It's heart shaped, colored in a vast rainbow of colors. It says this (also written in rainbow letters):

"I Love my mom. she is osem. she is 27. she Loves me and I Love her. she tacks me to the mole."

I'm officially changing my spelling of the word "awesome" to osem. It makes more sense. And I love that she stated my age. I don't know why. It must have been important to her. And although I rarely take her to the mall, I'm glad she appreciates it.

Being a mom is osem isn't it?

Happiness is

There was a song sung this Sunday, performed by two amazing members of our church, Lutheran Church of Hope. I've heard them sing before, but not together. The song was called Grace. It was so amazing, I wanted to jump up and dance like our occasional guests from Elam Christian Fellowship do, but my whiteness kept me sitting, tearing up, overflowing inside while they sang the most amazing song I've heard in a long time. Dangit. Why don't white people dance? Well, most of them don't anyway....and especially not in church. :) While that's another topic for another day, here's one for today:

happiness

I think happiness is one of those things that just is. It is when we don't think it is. It's there. It cannot be extinguished...if you know it's real source. It's the force behind a baby dancing in front of the tv for the first time, the kid in the front row at the State Fair who's headbanging at age 2, the tribes in Africa who dance as a part of their every day lives, to celebrate, to give thanks....it is the feeling that wells up inside of us when we hear that song that we haven't heard in so long. It is VBS, where the kids sing and dance without any inhibition, because it is a safe place, without fear, without judgment, without hatred. But even in places where fear, judgment, and hatred exist, happiness exists. No matter what.

I'm reminded of this by my momma's blog today (Thanks Mom!) who posted this post from the Oprah show:


http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Oprahs-Kickoff-Party-Flash-Mob-Dance

Like my sister says, make sure you hit the HI button when you watch.

And while, I've seen it before, it never ceases to overwhelm me. Why? One member of the mob described it as this: "It's what I picture heaven to be like someday".

Heaven just might be that place where we dance no matter what...despite being white and going to church in West Des Moines, IA. Because happiness.....just...is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HttF5HVYtlQ

John 1:5 "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it."

The unexpected

Life is awesome because of the unexpected. You could say life is terrible because of the unexpected. You could live in fear because of the unexpected. You can plan and plan and plan, but the unexpected always finds it's way home....into your home. Perhaps some people don't find that to be true. They may live easy, normal, well-planned and thought out lives, with little interruption or deviance from their set course...and I suppose some people may call that lucky, but I'd say...sorry bout that. :)

Unexpected events can be hard. They can break you down, frighten you, upset your way of life and uproot all that you have believed to be true. And while those things do not sound awesome in the least, the result of these unexpected events=awesome. In my experience.

Our lives, Steve and mine, have always been riddled with the unexpected. Things have NEVER been easy, since day one. And I blame this mainly on the way we chose to start our lives together, but for much of it, I cannot account for. I can get sick enough to be hospitalized, or surprise! Another baby! Or surprise! A stack of bills you may never pay off. There are people we never thought we'd meet, or a group we thought we'd never join (I plan on joining the minivan moms group next year when our Impala lease is up. What to DO with all that SPACE? Ha! But most of all....no matter how strange this may seem to say....the most unexpected part of my life to date has been my love for Steve, the changes, rather, in my love for Steve. Clarification needed!: Steve is totally lovable. He is more lovable than anyone...I think. But I never expected to love him and love our life together as much as I do now.

I realize our circumstances have slowly gotten better. But I don't give that the credit for the revolution of heart that I've had with my husband. I give the credit to God, for answering one tiny prayer a long long time ago, when circumstances were so hard for so long that I just didn't know what to do anymore....but someone told me, "Think of all the things that God can do. Don't you think he could change your heart too?" (Thanks Mom.)

Huh. I suppose he could.

And he did.

I wanted to love Steve the way I did when we met. Even through hard times. Even through constant hard times. Even when circumstances bogged us down, jobs were horrible, money was nonexistent at all times, uncertainty ruled the day. Was it possible? To keep the love you once had? To get back what you had the day you met? To not let those things in life tear you apart?

Turns out, it's possible. And not only did we get back what we had on day one....we've improved 100-fold.

Because, as of this date, we've weathered all those storms together. We've laughed our way through the worst of times. We've found a way no matter what. And I've realized lately....I cannot imagine my life without Steve. He makes me laugh when I'm crying. He calms my spirit when I'm panicked. He reminds me how little money actually means. He rubs my head when it's pounding. He brings water to me at night. He plays mario with me on our big comfy chair and cooks for us when I feel too sick. He is a fantastic father to my babies, the perfect fix-it man, and the primo outdoors event planner. I feel safe when I'm with him. I'm not afraid of the what-ifs, unknowns, or the unexpected; because I KNOW, as Steve says often,

"We're going to be just fine."

My thankfulness towards my husband runs deep, but my thankfulness to God runs deeper. I'm thankful for the answer to prayer, for a small change of heart that brought us to the place we are today.

I couldn't have planned it better myself. Literally. :)

So, here's to the unexpected.

My current "baby"

This is my current "baby" of 5 years. I've been a bit distraught lately because of this baby, who's puzzled me by being grumpy more often than not, an easy to anger little girl. Her feelings are hurt in a glimpse. She can fly off the handle unexpectedly with anger I didn't know she was capable of. But why?

I ask her...is it all the one on one time with mom? Or the way you get a slushy at Target and Olivia doesn't because she's at school? Or is it how you play all day with your gazillion toys, have more scooby doo movies than I'm able to count? Is it the playdates with your friends? Is it the special snacks mom makes for you in the afternoon or the times we color and do puzzles?

Well, I'm puzzled. Perhaps its the new "no-nap" policy she's implemented. Maybe it's something else.

Last night I snuck down to the girls' room at 10:30 pm. I brushed her hair back as she breathed in heavy...sleepy lil baby. I kissed her forehead and whispered how much I loved her. I did the same for Olivia and tiptoed back up stairs. I laid in bed thinking about my littlest reindeer, how she'd be in school in a few short months, how in a few short months she won't be my littlest reindeer anymore. Why is she so sad? Have I not showed her how much mommy loves her? I wondered....

So I snuck back downstairs, scooped up my "baby", huffed and puffed as I carried an extra 50+ lbs upstairs, and collapsed back into bed with a big snuggle bug on my chest. I caught my breath (these kids are getting heavy), and I basked in the moment. She's my baby for now, and I love her so much. And I hope that it will come through to her heart, if it hasn't already, that I just couldn't love a person more than I love my babies.

I just pray she knows.

Pregnancy thoughts and musings

You know, they say that after you've had a few babies, things can be different. "Things" is a tad broad....what I mean is, this pregnancy of mine is NOT like the others. Besides the obvious 2 months worth of vomiting and not leaving the house or the couch, I find my belly pushing out in a pregnant fashion MUCH sooner than before and MUCH sooner than appreciated. But there's been some good things too, like I can feel the baby move. They say you're not supposed to feel it for a few more weeks, unless of course, you've had a few...babies. So whether or not babycenter.com believes me or not, I totally feel the little lime sized baby in there. Swimming, flipping, thumping me. It's a strange feeling that I pretty much forgot all about in the past 5 years; albeit a good one.

I also forgot about the really awesome things people say and do to pregnant people. Here are some of my favorites:

Say:

"WOW! You are about ready to pop!" Mkay. I haven't had to endure this one YET, but inevitably, more than one person will say this to me come months 7-9. "POP" makes me think of zits and that is NOT how babies come out. Nor do I wish to consider my actual size or weight at 9 months.

"WOW! You look much further along than that!" For obvious reasons, this is offensive.

"Are you going to have more kids after this one?" Has anyone ever thought they wanted to have more kids during their current pregnancy or before/after/during labor and for the 2-5 years following those events? I mean, except those phenomenally special easy pregnancy people who had a 5 minute labor and not a moment of morning sickness the entire time. This conversation doesn't offend me, it just makes me laugh.

Do:

Homeless men at the bus stop who reach out and rub your belly. Or anyone really, who doesn't ask first. Please.

Overall at this point, I'm starting to enjoy my pregnant days. I broke down today and looked at a lil Liz Lange maternity clothes at Target. I didn't die. And there were a few cute things I could wear while maintaining a small amount of dignity. However, I'm holding out for the warmer days that are coming SOON so I can wear my summer dresses that I love...that I have always looked pregnant in, but now, I can look pregnant proudly and on purpose.

I don't barf anymore....I sleep TONS (which is lovely)...I'm a bit snippety, but who isn't this time of year?...that's what I say anyway. And I'm sticking to that. And despite the temps in the teens last night, Dairy Queen tasted AMAZING. Like a cool drink of water in the desert.

Well, this concludes my pregnancy thoughts and musings. Have a fabulous February day. :)

I haven't posted pics in awhile. And for the life of me, I can't figure out why my font is underlined. I see no underline button. It's infuriating me, but...at the same time, Steve says I'm a tad more irritable these days. Pssh. Please.

Here are some things we've been up to:




The 1980's Jane Fonda workout VHS that I did with my mom and sister growing up. It's so obscene, it even keeps the kids attention for an hour!

Olivia is shocked into silence. Sophie is headbanging.

Pushups. Sophie's form looks strangely similar to mine....

"Why is Jane on all fours?"

Sophie at the park. We went out and about to enjoy the 40 degree day. Whoohoo! Melting!

Sophie and I call this "slushing". We wear boots out, walk around the block and jump in all the slush puddles. Don't get me wrong...those days are long gone. But there were a few above freezing days here in ol' Ioway.




Mothers. Don't get upset here. This picture LOOKS like two little girls, diligently doing dishes peacefully as their mother has asked. Right after this, Olivia turned around and said,

"You treat us like a bunch of Cindarellas!!!" (Clearly disgusted with me).

I laughed.

Sophie screams in exasperation: "YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE!!!!"

I said, "Yep." Smiling and laughing and glancing at Steve who's cracking up on the couch.

Other than the above documented winter activities, the girls have both started swimming lessons at the Y on Saturday morning while Mommy sleeps. Steve does a good job as activity/keeping them quiet and/or out of the house while I sleep director. Both girls are signed up to do spring soccer as well. That's right. SPRING soccer. And we've signed up. That clearly means SPRING is coming. Clearly.

Happy winter everyone. It's so super awesome. Snow and everything. Yippee. As my aunt Jo would say, "That was written in sarcasm font." ;)