Sigh

I think I'm ready for the school year to be over. I think I'm ready for someone to volunteer to home school my kid....it's most certainly not me. :) I just love my babies so much. Is parenthood going to be this torturous throughout? Sigh...not sure I'm up for that. However, I hear there is hope for this little boy I'm carrying. I hear boys are easier. RIGHT?!!!! Agree with me, no matter what you think. Thanks. 

This morning, I hit send on an email I've been laboring over. They asked me what I thought would be best for Olivia. So, I worked on a response. I didn't want it to sound like I was mad Olivia couldn't go on the trip (because I seriously do not care. We live a mile away from Big Creek and we go all the time). I wanted it to say what I feel about the trip as a whole and what I think it can do to a little heart. And most of all, my disappointment that this was ok with the school for the second time this year.

So, I've responded.

Here is what I said...and whether or not it makes any difference at all, I've tried my best, and that is what I'm working hard to teach Olivia too. 

Thank you for talking with the committee. I think my point is being lost in translation though. I think the most detrimental part of this whole thing is that the school plans on separating the "good" from the "bad" kids. That is the part I find appalling..not the fact that they have to attend rules school. What about the kids with true behavior problems? Are they included in this mix too? I just find this whole thing incredibly sad. "Bad" or "good", kids are kids and they have hearts and spirits and will remember being separated into groups and alienated from their peers, for some, for the second time this year. Pretty soon, they'll just act that way because that's what we told them they were. That's what their peers will see them as. That's how they'll see themselves.

 

No matter what, I won't allow Olivia to be separated into a poor character group on that day. I was hoping the other kids wouldn't have to endure it either. They were given no opportunity to earn back their points. They were given no chance to show that they care. They are only being punished for their mistakes. Not only that, but then we're going to define them by their mistakes and put them in a special group.

 

If a behavior is bad enough to be punished, it should be done on the spot. Not calculated over months of time and the kids that have 96% good character can go on a trip. How could that possibly make sense to a kid? 

 

I also think that putting all their hopes in one trip was a poor idea. How about teaching them that good behavior and good character is needed to be successful in the world, not to win or lose a prize?

 

These kids aren't bad, their just not mature. They know things are wrong, they just have impulse control problems. The school is asking them to do a very adult task, looking at all the consequences of their behavior and assessing the best course of action and then having the self control to do the right thing. This trait is not complete in a child until their early 20's. In addition, they've added a point system that cannot possibly make sense to a 7 year old mind, because it doesn't even make sense to mine. So why are we punishing them for trying and failing? In the real world, we're given the opportunity to apologize for our mistakes and work hard to make it right. At school, their being taught that mistakes are final, and they make you bad.

 

Unless all the kids go to Big Creek, Olivia won't be there that day even if she keeps her last point. We talk about good behavior every morning before school. I also tell her I'm proud of her and I love her every morning. I tell her that no matter what, I will be proud if she has tried her best. If her behavior has been any better this week than last, it's because I took the pressure off of her heart, and encouraged her to just try her best. High stakes testing doesn't work for kids, especially for high energy/easily frustrated ones. It has the opposite result...they freak out, they act out, they are more frustrated at their failures and they quit trying. I'm sure that is not the goal of this school.

 

Character could still be taught if they all went to Big Creek. They could spend the first half an hour as a group, picking up trash along the beach and trails. Then we could have a chat about what it means to have good character and why it's important in this world. Then they could join their peers for the last half on the playground and be kids! At least that way, they've earned their way with a good deed for the community, talked about what it means to have good character, and then are rewarded not only for just "earning" something, but for trying so hard.

 

Failure isn't a permanent thing and it does not define a child.