Joining the snapshot club- Olivia

I've been noticing some other blogger mamas doing a sunday snapshot of one of their kiddos and I just love this idea! So, I'm joining the snapshot club without an invitation, but I'm sure no one will notice or mind my presence. Right?

This is Olivia. She is my oldest baby, age: almost 7, a vivacious, energy filled, exuberant child! She loves deeply and she studies faces to see what others are feeling. She loves to lead others and loves to entertain. She will do the craziest things, just to get a laugh out of us. She is athletic and strong and loves to push herself to do things better or faster. She's loves to do math and asks me to make the problems harder for her so she can think harder. She plays soccer and rides bikes. She's girly and not...a fine mix of both. She poses for ALL pictures and dances in the living room and down the grocery store aisles. She loves to do dishes by hand and help her mama cook. She is always making crafty projects to give to her friends and family, teachers...whoever. She has a heart of gold, loves God, peanut butter, & spaghetti.

I just couldn't love her more.

Back it up

Our littlest reindeer lost a tooth about a week ago. She looks so funny...we just love it.


The photos below are some pics of a chilly windy day we stopped at the lake to let Rosie Posie Clark (our doggers) swim a bit. Olivia picked up a rock collection and Sophie examined the water and looked for treasures. I was still sick at the time so I watched from the truck and Olivia brought me rocks. And yes, Olivia does have a tattoo on her forehead...it's from Red Ribbon Week. Remember that anyone?








The photos below are leftovers from Sophie's bday! Again, I was still sick, but we had a good family time anyway. Mom dressed as a scarecrow (obviously), and took the girls trick or treating. They were kitties. Meow. You'll also note my big tough looking brother playing with bendaroos intent on making a little pink bunny. Precious. :)

T Day

This years' T-Day was one of the best ever if I were to be asked to choose. My sister and her hubby put on a fantastic feast, with each of us bringing our own signature dishes (mine being cranberry from a can)...it was exhausting to pick out just the right one that would maintain the perfect can shape on the serving plate. Anyway, dinner was fantastic, family was there, music was good. Then they gave us our Christmas gifts early. NICE! My favorite part? The family Christmas CD they wrote, recorded, edited, and tied with a pretty bow for us. What a cool gift! All of our own voices and instrumental music by us! On my way to work tonight I listened to the first few songs and didn't stop smiling once. I'm the crazy oblivious smiling lady driver.

In addition, this year marks my very first Black Friday shopping expedition. I didn't know if I'd like it or hate it, but either way, my mom and sister were with me so there was sure to be plenty of entertainment. No worries though, I had an absolute blast! Lianna and I got up and left the house by 2:45 (Old Navy was supposed to open at 3 a.m.) and picked up Mom and headed on out to the mall. It was so exciting! People were, for the most part, very considerate albeit in it for their own gain. I sang Christmas carols up and down the aisles at Target and I got my hands on every deal I wanted. Beautiful. The best part was hanging out with my momma and sis (we are peas in a pod)....with Panera afterwards.

Unforgettable holiday.

So, in light of the actual meaning of the holiday, I suppose I should recognize my thankfulness. Here goes (in no particular order). I'm thankful for:

God- who loves me no matter what
An awesome husband (even through our bickering, we are totally perfect for each other)
A fabulous fun loving family
Our home- (it's adorable with it's tree in the window :)
Rosie Posie Clark & Swimmy & Slimey
A stable job for both of us
Relatively good health :)
Lovely little girls who I adore with all of my being

There's more, but those are the basics. No big surprises there, except for maybe that I included Rose Pose this year. We have a very love/hate relationship, and currently, I love her. Stay tuned for changes.

Well folks, T Day also kicks off the worlds' official Christmas season!!!! I'm sssuper thankful for that. Heeeehawww! Yep, I said that....and mean it.

Happy T-Day everyone!

Ok, regroup

There are times that I am consumed by how much I suck (like failing at parenting). I wonder how I can do any good in this world when I can't do fill in the blank right! Ever! Or when I give in and do something I swore I'd never do again, or I fail something I've done a million times before. We've all heard that God loves us no matter what...yeah yeah yeah. But do we really understand that? I know I don't. I've forgotten many, many times.

As always, I have a song for that. :)

Jadon Lavik- What If

What if I climbed that mountain, what if I swam to that shore
What if every battle was victorious then would you love me more
Would you love me more
What if I were everyone’s first choice, what if I went farther than before
What if I stood high above the rest than would you love me more
Would you love me more

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do
You say I belong to you I’m in awe of why you do
Why you do, why you do, I’m in awe of you.

What if I ignored the hand that fed me, what if I forgot to confess
What if I stumbled down that mountain then would you love me less
Lord would you love me less

What if I were everyones last choice what if I mixed in with the rest
What if I failed what I passed before then would you love me less
lord would you would you love me less?

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do
You say I belong to you I’m in awe of why you do
You do you do you do

What have I done to deserve your son sent to die for me
What can I give I want to live give me eyes to see
In a world that keeps changin’ there’s one thing that I know is true
Your love is stayin’ there’s nothing else I’ll hold onto

I love the verse where he does nothing right, and he asks if that means God loves him less. That's the part that makes me think.


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Try the link! I hope it works.

British people? Help?

I would love to say that I've got it all together. I really REALLY would. Sigh.....

But alas, I do not.

My kids will NOT stop fighting. I sit and color with them, or we play UNO and immediately upon my standing up and walking away, one of them is screeching and barreling up the stairs screaming of the wrongs her sister has bestowed upon her. And honestly, I feel like I've played judge and jury for too dang long! I literally yelled "I don't care!!!!!!" even before whoever it was made it up all the stairs to find me last time (5 minutes ago). I'm thinking of hiding from them from now on. Seriously, I'm so incredibly sick of it. And their behavior has begun to spin me into an angry self pitying person in a near constant state of loathing. It aint pretty.

"She scratched me! She told me I was scribbling! She stole my puppy! She said my butt stinks! (That's a real one). She says I'm a baby! She took my crayon! She won't help me color my page!"

Those were from the last hour.

Make it STOP!

I've separated them. I've punished them. I've taken away play dates. I am out of ideas. All I know is, I can't stand one more tattle.

Help!!!!!!

Super Nanny? Anyone with a british accent that has wisdom? Actually, I'll take ANY advice....accent or not.

Raising Dorks

I love reading stuff on the internet. It's actually quite new to me, which is super odd because the internet has been out there for quite some time, and I've been alive for all of it. Anyway, it is rare to find something good to read other than your friends' blogs and facebook updates (which is really a stretch to be calling a "good read", although I can't seem to kick the habit). But sometimes, just sometimes, you come across something that actually makes you laugh, or at the very least, makes you think. This guy does both.

Stuff Christians Like.

He's very funny. And while some Christians may get offended (what else is new?)...it's like our fav thing to do, he's just speaking his mind. Take it for what it's worth. I think it's humorous.

Here's a funny entry about raising dorks. It resonated with me considering I am raising girls that fantasize about being Hannah Montana. I think he might be on to something....:)

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/09/629-raising-dorks-2/

Better days

I had the honor of having coffee with a great friend yesterday at Panera. YESSS! Sophie drank "tea" (rootbeer) out of her very real new tea set she got for her birthday. The old ladies next to us thought it was a regular riot that she was drinking out of a tiny coffee mug, just like the big girls. And it kind of was.

Anyway, as we chatted about our lives, we talked about how busy things are and how we always wake up each day thinking of the someday in our futures that is less busy, less hard, with more money in the bank, less bills, sunnier days, and millions of dollars of dispensable income from a unknown donor for unlimited shopping at Target and Hobby Lobby. (That last one was my dream).

My good friend is also my hair stylist. The last time she did my hair, we talked about this same thing, and I told her how I realized lately, that I was wasting my life away, waiting for the someday above.

Turns out, most of the time, things just get busier. And with more money, comes more bills somehow. And even though things are hard most of the time, things are really great too! We don't have life threatening illnesses in our families, we have homes, running cars, great jobs, caramel lattes from Panera! Really. What could be better? It's a nice realization, actually. Things aren't so bad.

Do all the pessimists hate me yet? Um, yes.

When we're stressed or tired from over-busyness, when we're bickering with our husbands over the $ he spent at the hardware store (or maybe it was me at Kohls and Target), or when exasperated, we sit through another soccer practice in the freezing, pouring down rain and my daughter is out in left field picking up a collection of fall leaves instead of running soccer drills....we KNOW....deep down, things are really just fine. Our lives are complete....now....today.

This knowledge doesn't mean we stop trying, or stop dreaming of the things we want or need. I think, for me anyway, that I just need to stop dwelling on what I dream of or want or need. There's a big difference.

Two songs resonate with me for the same reason and message. Here they are.

Sympathy- Goo Goo Dolls

Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees

Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt

It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was

Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong

And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah stranger than your sympathy stranger than your sympathy

You know what I love about this song? He's humbled. I love these lines:

I wish for things that I don't need, all I wanted, and what I chase won't set me free, and I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees.

Aint that the truth? We wish for things that we don't need, that won't set us free. These things gnaw at our hearts, and we harden ourselves in fear. What if we never obtain these things we "need"? But even in fear, we won't get down on our knees and ask God. No, we just work harder, we try harder, we fight our way to the top where what we think we need resides and....we're disappointed, because what we've chased all this time, does not set us free.

You can't see when all your dreams are coming true.

Sometimes I don't, I can't see it. But they are there. They are here....the dreams I had as a girl. A family, a great job, a house with a fence. The whole lot. It's here. They ARE coming true, but I just blind myself with new ones.

Dave Matthews: Cry Freedom Cry.

The future is no place to place your better days.

So, look around folks. Where do you place your better days? If I were to be brutally honest, they'd be in my future. But I don't want them to be, because the truth is, they're not. And I just need this reminder right now. Things are so incredibly super great right now, in the here and now....

Today.

3 to 1

Yesterday, I overspent at Kohls. Weird. Anyway, the whole reason we went there was to get Steve a much need pair of jeans. He has two pair here at home. A nice pair. And a holey pair. How do men get by?! Apparently, I just don't get it.

Anyway, I dragged the girls in, or maybe I frantically tried to keep up with them as they darted across the busy parking lot....either way. I was also watching Hannah baby for the day, much to my delight, so I was toting a lil one around too, and a big diaper bag, and my purse. A little taste of the 3 kid life. I located the jeans quickly, because I know my shopping territory.

Savvvy.

Then I realized, to my dismay, I was down from 3 kids, to 1. Luckily, the one I had left was the one I was borrowing for the day. Phew! Thank God for strollers and buckles. I could hear my girls snickering as they darted from rack to rack, hiding from me. Ugh. Not in the mood.

I calculated my options. I refuse to play this game. So, I quietly moved the stroller to the center aisle and waited. Things got quiet. A minute passed.

"Mommy?" a voice ventured into the echoing Kohls atmosphere.

Not quite humble enough of a voice yet, I concluded.

I waited.

"MOOMMM?" Olivia called out louder.

She could just come find me if she wanted, I thought. Standing my center-aisle-obvious-out-in-the-open-air ground, I waited.

Soon enough, both of the girls came flying out of the racks and literally ran into me, nearly knocking me over. They were breathing heavy. They were looking up at me sheepishly. This is when I offered up my mommy wisdom to their open, repenting hearts.

"Girls," I started firmly, "We do NOT hide from mom in the racks. Nor do you leave the stroller's side for the rest of the shopping trip. DO you UNDERSTAND?"

Enthusiastic nods all around.

Ha. Fine then. On our way. Mommy magic wisdom has impacted them, definitely.

Then, ooh, what gorgeous winter coats! And on SALE! I stopped to admire. I tried one on. Perfect, plush, with fur, warm. I was smiling, inside and out. Hannah dropped her book from the stroller. As I turned around to pick it up, I glanced around. I sighed, deeply.

I was, once again, down 3 kids to 1. The racks were laughing at me...literally.

The BIG 5

Sophie completed a fantastic five years of life on Halloween! She is now rockin the big 5. Even though I was sick on her birthday and her big hoorah was canceled (because of me...I'm slime) we still had a fabulous time celebrating as a little family. My mom came up to help me pull it off. As sick as I was, there wasn't much more that I could do other than sit on the chair and watch. Real cool, Mel.

Later in the evening, Mom took the girls/kitties out trick or treating with cousin Hannah baby.

Even though there weren't extra little friends, extended family, or a full house (doesn't take much in our little place), Sophie still told us it was her best birthday ever. Thank God for kid grace!

I love my little highlighter, neon baby blonde bombshell.


New birthday pets: Swimmy & Slimey


I stood up! For a second. Happy B-day Sophie!






The dream gift of multiple puppies- thanks Lianna & Shawn!




Another webkinz from Grandma Jan.....lucky!

Follow me!

Hello everyone!

Most of you know, but some may not, that I have been working on writing a book. I absolutely LOVE every minute of it and am getting close to having enough material to be finished. When I say finished, I mean finished in the sense that I have enough material to have a complete manuscript. There is sooo much more to do other than writing. It makes me slightly dizzy just thinking about it.

Anyway, as I approach this territory, I've been researching the publishing world like crazy. What does it take? What is like? What do I need to do? What am I up against?

The conclusion?

It's nearly impossible to get published as a new author, short of a freak strike of lightning or a momentary streak of phenomenal luck on any given day. However, nearly impossible is very different than impossible, don't you think? It can be done. It's just difficult. And I'm not scared away....yet.

Through my research, it is clear that I need a platform to present to agents/publishers. A platform is people/organizations/places that you can personally count on to promote and guarantee to sell your books to IF you are indeed published. And although I am a small town girl from the Midwest, there are places that I can count on around here. In fact, Iowa is a beautiful state in many ways, including supporting it's very own writers/authors very well. So basically, I can count on Iowa. But I need more than that.

I recently read in a book about writing books, (weird, I know..), that when an agent presents a new writer to a publisher, the publisher can be heard typing in the background as the agent gives the pitch for the book. What are they researching? The new writer. Who is it? Where is their website? Do they have any previously published books, articles, journals, blogs? They need a face to the name and some readers to their material BEFORE they consider what the agent is proposing.

Phew. What does this all mean, especially to a new writer?

Ummm...not good things.

Why am I rambling about this seemingly meaningless publishing research crap?

Because I need you. I have this blog that I write in regularly. I've had a few SMALL things published in the past. Now, I need readership for my platform, even if it's from this tiny little blog about trivial things by a lil nobody mama in Iowa . PS. My book is written to other "nobody's" too. :) Fitting.

So, how can you help? It's easy. If you read my blog, please hit the FOLLOW button. It's on the blog page on the right hand side. You'll see pictures of others who follow it too. It will ask you for a small profile, only to identify you when you leave a comment. It is very non-threatening, I promise. :)

Then, please leave a comment when you read an entry. If it moves you...great! Tell me. Tell me what you like, what you don't like, what I can do better, what it means to you, your own experience with whatever I'm talking about....anything. I want to hear from you!

Anyway, everyone has to start somewhere. For me, it's here.

So....if you don't already, will you follow me?

A sheltering tree

Honestly people, I'm overwhelmed by you.....in a good way.

Over the past couple of weeks, we've been surrounded by love all over the place! Meals have been brought over every single night of the week. Flowers are arriving, cards, phone calls, emails of love and support abound. You have swept my kitchen floor, done our dishes, changed our laundry, played with my kids. Family, friends, and coworkers have stepped in to save the day.

I shouldn't be surprised, of course, but for some reason, I'm totally taken aback. What an awesome world we live in. What an amazing group of people I am surrounded by. It is comforting to know that when things get bad, you all come a running!

I found a good quote yesterday that sums it up in my mind:

"A friend is a sheltering tree" ~Coleridge

It shades, protects, comforts.

Thank you.

Comparatively.......

Things aren't so bad, really.

My mom always told me, in times of trouble, to picture whatever your facing turning into your worst case scenario and decide what you would do if that happened. Every time I've done just that I've come up with these conclusions:

1. Things are not as bad as my worst case scenario....not even close.

2. I would probably be able to handle my worst case scenario if it did happen.

3. I'm thankful I'm not facing my worst case scenario.

These are the same conclusions I've come to today. I'm not THAT sick. I'm not stuck in the hospital with no forseeable end in sight. I'm otherwise healthy. I'm a bit chairbound, but I can use the bathroom myself. I can get up and get something I need. I can move my legs. My children are well. I have a lovely fam. I have a fabulous family, wonderful friends, and a cute pup.

And in light of those revelations, I'm doing well. Just fine, in fact.

However, I'd love to feel better while doing well. :) Perhaps that will be possible soon. I'd really like that. :)

Sanitary=sanity

So, my house is a mess. It's not that Steve hasn't been doing his part, it's that I can't do MY part. So as he left for work this morning and Olivia was off to the bus and Sophie to preschool, I realized...dang. Crayons, markers, nutri-grain bar wrappers, coloring books, bendaroos (thanks mom :), little shoes, pumpkin buckets, baskets of laundry, gloves, hats, books. Where did this all come from?! And now that Steve is gone for the day and I await my 10:00 appointment, who's picking all this up? It's not me, by the way. I can't breathe much these days. I don't have a cold, no cough, not a sore throat to complain of. Just shortness of breath, chest pain, a hole in my heart, and a really messy house. I tried to stare it away, but it didn't budge. Dang.

This shortness of breath thing is really getting to me. In fact, I really could do without it. It's been 10 days. TEN DAYS since I've been down and out. Do you know how long that is in mommy time? Poor Steve. He's probably at the end of his rope. I know I am. My kids are running rampant. I can verbally threaten them to stop fighting, but they know by now I'm not getting up out of the easy chair. Empty threats. That's all I have to offer. I might as well be yelling after them, "Carry on! Mommy can't get up so go ahead and kill each other!" And that's exactly what they've been trying to do lately. I know they're mad and upset that their mommy world has been turned upside down. But I have to say, I'm just as annoyed. It's depressing, really. My mind says, "let's go for a run outside! What a beautiful day!" And my body says, "Whoa whoa whoa! Slow down getting out of the chair. You're sucking air already. Good luck getting to the closet to get your shoes. Feeling light headed yet? How do you like that chest pain?"

Jerk.

However, to my dismay, sometimes I find that these are the times I turn to God and say sheepishly, "Um, God?" This is embarrassing. Sigh. "I know I haven't talked to you in oh, like a week or two. I know I haven't really been spending quality time with you or letting you into my day, but....could you do me a favor?"

Now, I know it doesn't work that way. I know God doesn't hand out grace and healing to only those who fast and pray daily. But it does make me feel a bit awkward. I realize I haven't really been focusing on the right things, or that maybe I have let daily life get in the way of real life. I feel a little guilty today, honestly, knowing how much I need help now and how little I feel I deserve it. Worse yet, I can barely eek out the words to ask for it. I should know better, really. God loves me and wants what's best for me. I know that. Perhaps we'll look at this as a good opportunity to get back on track, first things first and so on. And I can't help but ask for God's help because I don't know what else to do. Out of ideas, out of patience, out of breath. I'd like that last one back first if possible. And I can't say that I'm not scared because I am. I don't want to throw a clot into my brain. I also don't want surgery. But I do, because then it would be fixed, but I don't because what if I die on the table? This is uncomfortable territory for me.....and you probably at this point. You probably didn't know this conversation would turn serious. Serious is unfamiliar territory for me.

Perhaps I'll attempt to leave it that way, unfamiliar. What the heck....what will be will be.

And good has come from this. I realized how fantastic the people around me are. Not that I was unaware, but I can say now, I'm overwhelmed by it. My co-workers have been taking turns bringing over meals. My mom came bearing gifts, and to help me vacuum and make Sophie's birthday a success even though we had to cancel the main event because of me. Steve has been working hard to maintain all of this kid/house business on his own. Friends are calling, offering help with whatever we need. It's nice to know you're loved and surrounded. It's really, really nice. Which reminds me, once I can breathe again, I'll be doing the same for others. I didn't realize how very important these things are, but I do now, walking in these sickly shoes.

Ok, so...now that I've vented this all out onto this unlucky proverbial paper, my only true way to sort out my feelings...

Please pray that they figure out where my breath went and what to do with the hole in my heart. Please pray for patience and a clean house for all involved. Mainly for sanity purposes, but also for sanitary purposes. Really for all purposes, I need a clean house.