I had the honor of having coffee with a great friend yesterday at Panera. YESSS! Sophie drank "tea" (rootbeer) out of her very real new tea set she got for her birthday. The old ladies next to us thought it was a regular riot that she was drinking out of a tiny coffee mug, just like the big girls. And it kind of was.
Anyway, as we chatted about our lives, we talked about how busy things are and how we always wake up each day thinking of the someday in our futures that is less busy, less hard, with more money in the bank, less bills, sunnier days, and millions of dollars of dispensable income from a unknown donor for unlimited shopping at Target and Hobby Lobby. (That last one was my dream).
My good friend is also my hair stylist. The last time she did my hair, we talked about this same thing, and I told her how I realized lately, that I was wasting my life away, waiting for the someday above.
Turns out, most of the time, things just get busier. And with more money, comes more bills somehow. And even though things are hard most of the time, things are really great too! We don't have life threatening illnesses in our families, we have homes, running cars, great jobs, caramel lattes from Panera! Really. What could be better? It's a nice realization, actually. Things aren't so bad.
Do all the pessimists hate me yet? Um, yes.
When we're stressed or tired from over-busyness, when we're bickering with our husbands over the $ he spent at the hardware store (or maybe it was me at Kohls and Target), or when exasperated, we sit through another soccer practice in the freezing, pouring down rain and my daughter is out in left field picking up a collection of fall leaves instead of running soccer drills....we KNOW....deep down, things are really just fine. Our lives are complete....now....today.
This knowledge doesn't mean we stop trying, or stop dreaming of the things we want or need. I think, for me anyway, that I just need to stop dwelling on what I dream of or want or need. There's a big difference.
Two songs resonate with me for the same reason and message. Here they are.
Sympathy- Goo Goo Dolls
Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees
Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?
Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt
It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true
Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was
Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong
And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah stranger than your sympathy stranger than your sympathy
You know what I love about this song? He's humbled. I love these lines:
I wish for things that I don't need, all I wanted, and what I chase won't set me free, and I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees.
Aint that the truth? We wish for things that we don't need, that won't set us free. These things gnaw at our hearts, and we harden ourselves in fear. What if we never obtain these things we "need"? But even in fear, we won't get down on our knees and ask God. No, we just work harder, we try harder, we fight our way to the top where what we think we need resides and....we're disappointed, because what we've chased all this time, does not set us free.
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true.
Sometimes I don't, I can't see it. But they are there. They are here....the dreams I had as a girl. A family, a great job, a house with a fence. The whole lot. It's here. They ARE coming true, but I just blind myself with new ones.
Dave Matthews: Cry Freedom Cry.
The future is no place to place your better days.
So, look around folks. Where do you place your better days? If I were to be brutally honest, they'd be in my future. But I don't want them to be, because the truth is, they're not. And I just need this reminder right now. Things are so incredibly super great right now, in the here and now....
Today.
6 comments:
A quote from an entry in the blog that I kept in college:
March 26, 2005
"I feel sorry for those people who think that the future is where their happiness lies. Because the future never comes, it's always going to be the present, and people who don't jump at the opportunities given to them will always be waiting for the day. The day is now, the day is when you feel it, and you can't spend your life waiting for the right time. But you can't teach that to someone. They will never find out until they finally do take a chance, jump at an opportunity, go out on a limb, and realize that life is dancing on past you, waiting for you to grab it."
You speak my language, sister!
Thank you so much for this! I do this to often and don't realize how lucky I am to have experienced what I have and to have what I have. I have an amazing husband and a beautiful baby girl. Thanks Mel!!!
Well said! The power of NOW - Carpe diem! Thanks for the beautiful reminder. Reminds me also of one of my favorite songs. "So breathe it in, breathe it out, listen to your heartbeat. There's a wonder in the here and now; it's right there in front of you. I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment." (SCC)
I am TOTALLY the culprit of keeping Target in business ;)
Matthew 6:25-34...my mantra :)
"...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own".
Do you really sit down and talk so deeply but put it on a five year old level with your girls? I don't. Sometimes I try to but Evelyn questions every word I say and Brie really doesn't care much. Sigh. Yet another thing I have to work on. (Oh, but, yes, life is just fine, even though I'm not the best mother.)
Tanya, no...I was talking to my friend while Sophie was off in her little world drinking "tea" with her puppies! Don't worry. We don't discuss crazy life stuff like that yet. I like to keep them young. :) And PS.... you are a fantastic mother, and I totally wish we lived closer!
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